Yes, yes! I know! It's been several days since I last wrote! But things happen in life, especially mine, which tends to be a common occurrence for some dumb reason.
This time, I had to spend some time organizing the bedroom (an ongoing project), procrastinating writing by exploring the entire internet due to writing anxiety (too many interruptions and distractions at home), and family talking constantly (mostly [mild] autism). I've been getting sleepy anytime around 12 - 2 AM, and one of them tends to go to bed around that time, so it's been impossible to find the opportunity to write.
I also got the stomach flu recently, which is no fun at all. I'm close to feeling 100%, but the other day I kind of pushed myself too hard (impatient + wanting to do my usual, physical things), so I was back to feeling a bit unwell yesterday morning. Thankfully, I have a whole weekend to rest up and strengthen myself, so I hope to be 100% by Monday.
I hate not being able to do my usual, physically challenging things. Like carrying a bunch of heavy groceries up a hill for several blocks (I've never been behind the wheel because the drivers around here are dumb and I've already been in 5 car accidents as a passenger, thank you), or running up stairs two steps at a time. Oh well, it's better than many situations.
Wow, look at the time. It's 1:48 AM and I'm so tired, I want to fall asleep while sitting (Wouldn't that be nice?). I'd better put my log in here and smash my head into a pillow.
Oh yeah, so I was thinking I might start scheduling my posts so that they are published in the blog during more... "waking" hours. I mean, me being in the U.S. and publishing blog posts during the wee hours of the morning.... Not many who may be interested in this blog would be awake. I may be wasting my time, but I'm going to try it and see if I get more views this way.
I mean, I don't care who and how many see this blog. I don't even care if nobody is reading this blog. I just use this as a way to keep record of my writing so that I can go back later and be like, "Oh yeah! So that happened and that's why I wasn't writing for so long!" Also, I can later put together my word counts, determine how many words I did each day, then create a cool graph or whatever.
Just something fun. It makes a good motivator for writing. Because if I feel guilty for not posting regularly to an imagined "audience", I will end up writing to alleviate the guilt for "letting people down". It's a nice trick to keep my fingers tap dancing on the keys, no matter what kind of day or week or month I've had. I used to be bad at writing regularly, but keeping track of statistics on my progress? Now, that's fun.
See now, if you aren't having enough fun with what you know you love doing, you've just got to make it more fun for yourself or you'll end up not wanting to do it again. Add some spice or more sugar to your cookies. Add garnish to your dish to make it look fancy (Did you know that you can eat the parsley on the side of your plate? It makes a great breath freshener after your meal, and it contains some great nutrients, too. ...Yeah, I'm an herb-lover, as you may tell. Lol.). You get the point.
April 8th
156,037 words so far
1:29 AM stopped
Random gibberish: jdbcskdjnvsdjcbsiv
___
April [8th also]
159,688 words so far
8:45-ish PM stopped
I had to stop unexpectedly because something required and occupied my attention for the rest of the night (Technology + my mom = gkjgjgdyrdh + "What does this do? What does this mean?" = me saving the day, with some difficulty at first. Because, although I'm better at technology than she is, I'm still a little behind the times by a bit.).
That's okay, though. I got a ton of writing done prior because my mom and sister were out shopping at a couple of stores and enjoying the sunshine. I wasn't feeling up to it, yet, since I was just feeling better after a stomach flu that killed my appetite and weakened me for almost a week. I'm glad that's over! Whew!
I forgot to post here yesterday because I was preoccupied with a different technology situation: We finally upgraded to a flat screen and a blu-ray player. I didn't buy the totally expensive kind, so they aren't that impressive, nor can you do a whole lot with them. I was surprised by how much you can do with the other ones, but since we won't be doing anything but watching movies with it, I bought the most basic one with decent ratings. We don't watch TV because it just keeps people indoors, brainwashes people with hours of annoying, time-wasting commercials, and it can destroy relationships if introduced to the wrong people (The latter being especially the reason why we don't have it: My autistic sister would throw a fit and go mental if she had to stop watching TV when she had to go to an appointment she didn't feel like going to or even going outside for fresh air. She'd also use it as an excuse to not go anywhere. Even without her living here, we'd still not want to watch TV all that much, which means paying the hefty bill wouldn't be worth it. And no, it's not bad parenting. It's autism. It's like having a toddler in an adult's body for the rest of your life. And trust me, having Asperger's myself makes life hard for socializing. Every day is about fighting myself to be as close to "normal" as possible. Everyday is about fighting anxiety and the lack of self-confidence. Everyday is about being stuck feeling like a stupid child while being expected to think and act like the adult that you look like, and fighting to keep your "I think and do things easily like an adult" mask on with your shoulder while juggling "normal, everyday things".).
...Whoops. Here I am talking about life with autism again. I suppose it's a good thing to keep you educated on it. It's interesting looking at it from the outside, really. I like wondering what "normal" people see and how they would best understand it in words. And it's most often best if it's explained not from a doctor, but with a person who has the condition. "What is it like for you? What is life like living with it? How would you describe it to a person whose brain developed the right way?"
Honestly, I feel like nobody hardly reads my blog more than glance at it, so I don't care much about what I say and I ramble on anyway as though I were talking to someone who's actually interested in what I have to say and happen to be a good listener. ...Okay, that's kinda sad.
Anyway, if you do read my blog: Thank you. You're awesome. High-five yourself. Wait, that's clapping. Just high-five your back, then. Yeah, pat yourself on the back. We're in this journey together. And it's an awesome one.
___
Friday, April 8, 2016
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
March 2016
12:58 AM
March 2nd
184,402
Oof. I am so sore. Mondays are most always busy working in a library, but when you carry a load of groceries home with heavy bags on your shoulders (Panic attacks + anxiety because there's too many stupid drivers around here + growing up traumatized from car accidents galore = Not willing to get a driver's license), and your family wants to get fast food drinks, and you are the only one who can carry the drinks because one person has a back problem and the other person is pushing an upright, folding shopping cart home (My mom can't drive due to health problems worse than but similar to mine), it can take a toll on your body. In this case, mine. It was mainly my left arm and shoulder, but my right arm was sore, too. Being sore and weak especially in my left arm reminded me of just how much I need both arms to function (Pushing book carts, carrying boxes, carrying piles of books in your arms, etc.).
But I like physical challenges. It keeps me strong. I used to be skinny and weak when I was a kid, and I didn't like it, so that's where my love for having muscles originally comes from. I don't want to be weak and feel wimpy again.
Anyway, at least I can still write. But I should stop here because I'm both falling asleep and because I need extra sleep to recover.
Hey, before I hit the hay, here's a picture I took over ten hours ago of the windstorm we had today (er, that is, 3/1/16):
For those who know me well, you might be squawking right about about now, "What?? But what about your old, healed-wrong injuries on your right pinky finger knuckles?" Well, I don't really know. I was being careful not to apply much pressure there, that's for sure. I think it had to do with the level of the table, how I didn't write for more than 15 minutes most of the time (Most of it was written while I was writing on break at work), and how I wasn't blasting through it (If I am writing very fast and with much enthusiasm, then I tend to pressing hard on the paper with my writing hand.
Stay tuned! I'll be updating the writing log very soon, if nothing else happens.
Welcome to my crazy life!
***
Alright! I've got the numbers. Here they are:
March 7th - 8th (I wrote at night and didn't keep track of the time, but I recall that I wrote quite a bit into March 8th, so this number will count as a whole writing session, where I sat down to write and did not stop until well into the early morning hours of the next day.) -- 969 words written.
March 8th (During the day, during the hours that the light shone upon this side of the Earth) -- 610 words written.
March 10th - 11th (Little was written on the 11th, so the majority that was written was mostly the 10th) -- 484 words written.
March 12th -- 96 words written. (31 words of actual writing, 65 of editing. The story was getting a bit slow and hard to crank out, so I decided to read several pages back and ended up finding some mistakes or things that needed to be less vague. Some words were taken out and replaced by fewer words, others were added in, but most of the 65 words I added in were sentences that needed to be added to make situations in the story more descriptive and understandable. I felt better about the story afterwards.)
March 13th -- 1,080 words written. (The most done during the time I had to continue the story longhand.)
March 15th -- 219 words written.
March 16th -- 75 words written (mostly editing).
March 17th -- 24 words written (definitely editing).
March 20th -- 7 puny words written (editing).
March 25th -- 127 words written (editing).
March 27th -- 31 words written (editing).
As you can see, I had difficulty cranking out much towards the end. Much of the editing was done while I was on break at work, most of the writing bit was done at night after my family went to bed, though, in the beginning, I did write a fair amount at work. How much I write just depends on several factors. Including, but not limited to: Noise tolerance, anxiety, stress, distraction tolerance, and the ability to zone into the story, itself.
What I mean by "zoning into the story" is: Imagine seeing a hole in the floor and seeing another world, another dimension, another life, below you. You crouch and watch a person living their life, and other people living their lives. You can hear their thoughts, you can understand their troubles, you are with them through thick and thin. You are with them every step of the way and following their lives without actually being there physically. You are merely a watcher. You can't talk to them, you can't touch them or be touched by them. You can peer through their heads and see and hear their thoughts, you can feel their emotions, you are almost those people. You are hardly aware of your own self anymore. You can't feel cold, you can't feel hot, you can't feel pain. Your own hardships are not existent anymore. The characters that you follow... their lives... are yours. You feel instead their emotions, you think their thoughts, you go through their hardships instead of your own. That's what a book is like. And that's what I'm writing.
When you read a book, you feel all that. But when you write a book, you feel more. It's much more pronounced, because you understand every single part of that character. You know who they are, inside and out, and deeper inside than any reader can ever feel. You know who they are, because they are a part of you.
It's like carving out your rib and making a whole new skeleton out of it. You decide what that piece of you will look like with flesh and skin on it, you get to choose how many arms it will have or whether to give it back hair.
...Perhaps that's too distracting. Too gruesome. If you're more of a literal thinker, you'll hate a certain character of mine. Yep. That's a piece of me that I turned into a character. It's a silly part of me, but it's also an often misunderstood part of me, as well. (At least, to certain important people in my life, anyway. But I doubt those people will ever understand my character, either, so that's what makes the character even more special. He/she has undergone troubles and goes about pleasing people regardless of being understood or not. Just happy-go-lucky and always quirky.) So, I decided to create a character to help make it make more sense. In the form of a character.
Of course, in real life, I'm not as quirky. I'm not especially talkative or outgoing. I'm more like a grandma in a young woman's body, liking peace and quiet, preferring to listen and find opportunities to give good advice or tell funny or interesting life stories. However, I'm different around different people. When I'm with those who are silly, I feel more comfortable in my own skin, as I tend to stretch in all sorts of directions, and I can joke more and talk more, laugh louder, etc. I'm often either too loud or too quiet, which annoys me enough to eat an empty book that spits grapes into a pig's mouth.
...Yeah, I typed that on purpose. No hidden meanings. I'm just annoyed at something else: I just realized I made this post way longer than I anticipated. I think I need to go write, now. ...Of course, I may or may not write tonight. It was a long, busy day on 5 hours of sleep.
I assure you, I am doing a little better with my sleep amounts. It's just that last night I was playing an old video game and wasn't paying attention to the time. (I say "old" because it's on the Playstation 2, and I haven't updated to newer systems. I would like to get Xbox 360 eventually, but I'm currently not playing a whole lot of games lately and love the classics too much. Plus, this is a game I had about 5 years ago and never got to finish playing before I lost nearly everything I owned. I recently bought this again to finish it. ...Okay, gamers. You are probably dying to know what game this is, now. It's Innocent Life: A Futuristic Harvest Moon. ...Hey! I'm not boring! I like first-person shooters, too! Who doesn't love the Halo series? I also love Ratchet & Clank and Jak & Daxter, etc. And if you throw Pokemon games at me, I'll probably just catch em all. ...Lol That played well. ...And that, too.)
Ack! I'm rambling on again! I need to stop typing here and start typing in my story! But it's so fun to ramble, especially since I feel like I'm actually talking to somebody who's doing a superb job at listening to me and not interrupting. ...Okay, that's sad. Maybe I should start asking you people some questions so I can see who's actually reading this regularly.
Alright, here's a question: What do you plan on having for your next birthday cake? Let me know in the comment section below.
I'm thinking I'll just have a vanilla cupcake with homemade carob icing (Carob tastes similar to chocolate. I'm allergic to chocolate.), since I always gain unwanted weight around my birthday (in June). My sister's birthday is the day before mine (4 years and 364 days apart!), and our Auntie Ann's birthday is the day before my sister's, so you can imagine why.
March 2nd
184,402
Oof. I am so sore. Mondays are most always busy working in a library, but when you carry a load of groceries home with heavy bags on your shoulders (Panic attacks + anxiety because there's too many stupid drivers around here + growing up traumatized from car accidents galore = Not willing to get a driver's license), and your family wants to get fast food drinks, and you are the only one who can carry the drinks because one person has a back problem and the other person is pushing an upright, folding shopping cart home (My mom can't drive due to health problems worse than but similar to mine), it can take a toll on your body. In this case, mine. It was mainly my left arm and shoulder, but my right arm was sore, too. Being sore and weak especially in my left arm reminded me of just how much I need both arms to function (Pushing book carts, carrying boxes, carrying piles of books in your arms, etc.).
But I like physical challenges. It keeps me strong. I used to be skinny and weak when I was a kid, and I didn't like it, so that's where my love for having muscles originally comes from. I don't want to be weak and feel wimpy again.
Anyway, at least I can still write. But I should stop here because I'm both falling asleep and because I need extra sleep to recover.
Hey, before I hit the hay, here's a picture I took over ten hours ago of the windstorm we had today (er, that is, 3/1/16):
As you can see, the wind was blowing hard against the tree towards the right. Wind gusts reached 50 mph. The wind is nearly gone right now. It was an unusually short storm, but approximately 40,000 people are without power. Crews are working hard at clearing fallen debris and restoring power as fast as they can. This wasn't near as bad as the windstorm that hit us in November 2015, but a woman is in the hospital right now with serious injuries after a tree fell on her home. Praying the best for her.
Good night!
***March 18th***
No, I didn't die. But my laptop battery did! I had to order a new one and wait for it to arrive in the mail.
But don't worry, I was still writing during the wait. How, you ask? Well, against all odds, I was able to write quite a bit long-hand. For those who know me well, you might be squawking right about about now, "What?? But what about your old, healed-wrong injuries on your right pinky finger knuckles?" Well, I don't really know. I was being careful not to apply much pressure there, that's for sure. I think it had to do with the level of the table, how I didn't write for more than 15 minutes most of the time (Most of it was written while I was writing on break at work), and how I wasn't blasting through it (If I am writing very fast and with much enthusiasm, then I tend to pressing hard on the paper with my writing hand.
Stay tuned! I'll be updating the writing log very soon, if nothing else happens.
Welcome to my crazy life!
***
***March 27th***
Happy Easter! I'm eating dinner at the moment (Ham, Brussels sprouts, yellow potatoes, sweet potato fries, too many potatoes for some reason, [At this, I freeze for a moment as I remember something, tell my mom that we forgot the sweet potatoes were still in the oven, and we laugh. The oven was already turned off, so it's okay. They're still warm.] and sweet potatoes.), but I'm just here to say: I've just finished updating my book file. *takes bite, chews while typing, takes bite, repeats* I'll be adding each day's log very soon, but here's the total for now: 155,808 words. Yowza! *takes a look at the last log* ...Wait. Somewhere I messed up. March 2nd says 840,402 words. Must be an extra number somewhere. I'll go check February.... *comes back* AHA! The last log in February was a 151,000 number, therefore, that so-called "840,402" is actually 158,402. ...I fixed it now. Heh, you folks probably thought it weird that I'd jump from the 100,000's to the 800,000's in a matter of days, then disappear for several days afterwards. Oh well, it happens.
***
Alright! I've got the numbers. Here they are:
March 7th - 8th (I wrote at night and didn't keep track of the time, but I recall that I wrote quite a bit into March 8th, so this number will count as a whole writing session, where I sat down to write and did not stop until well into the early morning hours of the next day.) -- 969 words written.
March 8th (During the day, during the hours that the light shone upon this side of the Earth) -- 610 words written.
March 10th - 11th (Little was written on the 11th, so the majority that was written was mostly the 10th) -- 484 words written.
March 12th -- 96 words written. (31 words of actual writing, 65 of editing. The story was getting a bit slow and hard to crank out, so I decided to read several pages back and ended up finding some mistakes or things that needed to be less vague. Some words were taken out and replaced by fewer words, others were added in, but most of the 65 words I added in were sentences that needed to be added to make situations in the story more descriptive and understandable. I felt better about the story afterwards.)
March 13th -- 1,080 words written. (The most done during the time I had to continue the story longhand.)
March 15th -- 219 words written.
March 16th -- 75 words written (mostly editing).
March 17th -- 24 words written (definitely editing).
March 20th -- 7 puny words written (editing).
March 25th -- 127 words written (editing).
March 27th -- 31 words written (editing).
As you can see, I had difficulty cranking out much towards the end. Much of the editing was done while I was on break at work, most of the writing bit was done at night after my family went to bed, though, in the beginning, I did write a fair amount at work. How much I write just depends on several factors. Including, but not limited to: Noise tolerance, anxiety, stress, distraction tolerance, and the ability to zone into the story, itself.
What I mean by "zoning into the story" is: Imagine seeing a hole in the floor and seeing another world, another dimension, another life, below you. You crouch and watch a person living their life, and other people living their lives. You can hear their thoughts, you can understand their troubles, you are with them through thick and thin. You are with them every step of the way and following their lives without actually being there physically. You are merely a watcher. You can't talk to them, you can't touch them or be touched by them. You can peer through their heads and see and hear their thoughts, you can feel their emotions, you are almost those people. You are hardly aware of your own self anymore. You can't feel cold, you can't feel hot, you can't feel pain. Your own hardships are not existent anymore. The characters that you follow... their lives... are yours. You feel instead their emotions, you think their thoughts, you go through their hardships instead of your own. That's what a book is like. And that's what I'm writing.
When you read a book, you feel all that. But when you write a book, you feel more. It's much more pronounced, because you understand every single part of that character. You know who they are, inside and out, and deeper inside than any reader can ever feel. You know who they are, because they are a part of you.
It's like carving out your rib and making a whole new skeleton out of it. You decide what that piece of you will look like with flesh and skin on it, you get to choose how many arms it will have or whether to give it back hair.
...Perhaps that's too distracting. Too gruesome. If you're more of a literal thinker, you'll hate a certain character of mine. Yep. That's a piece of me that I turned into a character. It's a silly part of me, but it's also an often misunderstood part of me, as well. (At least, to certain important people in my life, anyway. But I doubt those people will ever understand my character, either, so that's what makes the character even more special. He/she has undergone troubles and goes about pleasing people regardless of being understood or not. Just happy-go-lucky and always quirky.) So, I decided to create a character to help make it make more sense. In the form of a character.
Of course, in real life, I'm not as quirky. I'm not especially talkative or outgoing. I'm more like a grandma in a young woman's body, liking peace and quiet, preferring to listen and find opportunities to give good advice or tell funny or interesting life stories. However, I'm different around different people. When I'm with those who are silly, I feel more comfortable in my own skin, as I tend to stretch in all sorts of directions, and I can joke more and talk more, laugh louder, etc. I'm often either too loud or too quiet, which annoys me enough to eat an empty book that spits grapes into a pig's mouth.
...Yeah, I typed that on purpose. No hidden meanings. I'm just annoyed at something else: I just realized I made this post way longer than I anticipated. I think I need to go write, now. ...Of course, I may or may not write tonight. It was a long, busy day on 5 hours of sleep.
I assure you, I am doing a little better with my sleep amounts. It's just that last night I was playing an old video game and wasn't paying attention to the time. (I say "old" because it's on the Playstation 2, and I haven't updated to newer systems. I would like to get Xbox 360 eventually, but I'm currently not playing a whole lot of games lately and love the classics too much. Plus, this is a game I had about 5 years ago and never got to finish playing before I lost nearly everything I owned. I recently bought this again to finish it. ...Okay, gamers. You are probably dying to know what game this is, now. It's Innocent Life: A Futuristic Harvest Moon. ...Hey! I'm not boring! I like first-person shooters, too! Who doesn't love the Halo series? I also love Ratchet & Clank and Jak & Daxter, etc. And if you throw Pokemon games at me, I'll probably just catch em all. ...Lol That played well. ...And that, too.)
Ack! I'm rambling on again! I need to stop typing here and start typing in my story! But it's so fun to ramble, especially since I feel like I'm actually talking to somebody who's doing a superb job at listening to me and not interrupting. ...Okay, that's sad. Maybe I should start asking you people some questions so I can see who's actually reading this regularly.
Alright, here's a question: What do you plan on having for your next birthday cake? Let me know in the comment section below.
I'm thinking I'll just have a vanilla cupcake with homemade carob icing (Carob tastes similar to chocolate. I'm allergic to chocolate.), since I always gain unwanted weight around my birthday (in June). My sister's birthday is the day before mine (4 years and 364 days apart!), and our Auntie Ann's birthday is the day before my sister's, so you can imagine why.
***
Saturday, February 13, 2016
February 2016
2:55 AM
142,485
Feb 6 (barely any) & 7
Whoops. I forgot to write something here.
2:34 AM
144,707
Feb 12 & 13
I ate Top Ramen for dinner while I was writing. That's the only exciting thing I can think of that happened today.
Well, I was able to catch all three pukes when my cat threw up this evening (She sleeps in my lap for hours at a time, gets too hot in my lap, and doesn't want to get off my lap until she feels sick from the heat.), but that's about it.
I stayed up late last night, so I ended up sleeping late into the day. That's me on weekends, though. Little social life because it's too hard to socialize. Having Asperger's Syndrome makes you different from "normal" people that way. I think too slow, I talk too slow, and I either talk and laugh too loud, or too quietly (I prefer trying not to be too loud, because I'm not a boisterous, "rude" person and don't want to be seen that way. My brother is the opposite of me.). Because of these things, people tend to interrupt me, and that's one thing I can't stand. (I can take a few accidents, but any more than that? Good gosh, wait your turn! I'm not a competitive talker, so don't expect me to have fun battling to see who's the dominant one of the group!)
Well, I guess another significant thing that happened was this:
4:44 AM
145,644
Feb 15
It's really late and early in the morning. Can I go to bed, now? I couldn't stop writing. My family wouldn't go to bed until past midnight. ...Oh, alright. I'll write here just a little.
How was my Valentine's Day? Just a family thing. I'm single, and I'm not open for any suitors. I have too much to do in life, and too many dreams to accomplish. If I got into a relationship, I'd have a lot less time to do those things. Plus, if I had kids, there's a high chance they'd all have some kind of health problem, either at birth, or later in life. I can't bear to see that or make a child live with that. Asperger's Syndrome runs strongly through families, so that means there's a high chance it'd be passed down the next generation. Asperger's has varying characteristics, too. You can get the constantly-talking, interrupting, outgoing type like my mom and siblings, or you get the quiet type like me who can't socialize very well. I can't stand the other type and often get frustrated in all directions, so imagine life with me having kids of that type. No, I've never lost my temper with kids. I worry a lot. Too much. Always looking out for them. --Ohmygosh my cat is climbing all over me! ...My mom's alarm just went off. My mom is up. Hopefully she won't judge me for still being up (It's 5 AM, and she has to go to work.). ...Okay. So far, she's not. But Sweetie is. But I can't guarantee it for long. She's normally like, "You should get to bed! You're going to be tired when you get up!" Every time?? You have to say that?? ...Sorry. I'm ranting. Yep, that's what I'm like when I'm frustrated. Not very extreme, but she always wants to be right, but I hate repetition and people judging me and bugging me throughout the day with the same sentences all the time. It's just part of my upbringing. I lived with a mentally and verbally abusive aunt for 9 years, and she loved to find my weaknesses. I never lost my temper with her, but for some reasons she liked burrowing her teeth inside your brain anyway, just so she could see you suffer, stammer, stutter, grow silent, avoid eye contact, and make your mind freeze up so you'd panic and be rendered a vegetable she could munch on. ...Ah, that was a little raw, but enough about food. Time to go to bed. Why? Sweetie said so: "Oh oo beh?" And she had the biggest pupils you'd ever see. She's worried about me, and has been waiting all night to sleep with me. Whelp, Happy Valentines Day! (Or, rather, I hope you had a happy one!)
3:00 AM
148,416
Feb 15 & 16
Ha! I stopped at 3:00 AM right on the dot! (Or is that "spot"? Sometimes I get my weird speech from my Oklahoma-native grandma. She moved to Seattle when she was 16, so it's been almost 74 years and she still spits out interesting stuff from her mouth. <-- Of course, she doesn't use "spit" as a word to use like this. That's my characters affecting my speech.)
It's funny when you've been writing and "living with" your characters for so long, you end up talking like them or using their words. ...Or is that your made-up words?
Years ago, when it started leaking out of me, it just spewed out. People didn't know what was going on; why I was talking funny all the time. And with a weird accent.
Do my characters have accents? Yes and no. I made up an old/new language for some of them to use when I was 14, but all of them are fluent enough in "English" as they are with the old/new language, so there's little accent to be heard. Those who are old have more of an accent merely because there are certain pronunciations they still prefer.
So, having freshly made several of the words and practiced a few favorite sentences over and over again so I wouldn't stumble over any of the words, I started developing the language's accent. It was funny, because, at the time, I was also trying to master a British accent. I'd talk to my cats and read out of books like that. Soon, weird things happened. The made-up language started pushing its way through the British accent, and the British accent started pushing its way into the made-up language. But, you know, if the made-up language's accent sounds mostly similar to it, you're going to have to expect that to happen.
It was around that time that I was having difficulty hiding it outside my bedroom. People started either complaining (My aunt), or asking me where I was from. From the latter, I laughed and had to explain it in full.
I tried so hard to revert back to my old, stumbling "plain" speech (Oh, and here's another thing: I LIKED the accents because it helped reduce my speech problems. I often stumbled over my words - Nay, a LOT - and it's been better ever since then.), it probably got better over the course of a few weeks or more. In the end, I kept some pronunciations. I kept the "oo" and "o" in "soon" and "both". Actually, it's hard to tell in "o". You'd have to listen hard, but the "o" helped me a lot for a lot time.
Ack! I have to get up at 8:30-ish and it's 3:39 AM now! Time for bed! Goodnight!
12:47 AM
148,816
Feb 16th (11:00 PM) - Feb 17th (12:47 AM)
Ha! (Hey, second day in a row I start with "Ha!" in a log/post!) I thought the word count looked familiar! Yesterday's word count was 148,416 words, and tonight's is 148,816 words. Exactly 400 words were written. I love it when numbers match or when they make rounded numbers, however far away they are. "Funny little coincidences", I like to call them, and I get plenty.
I've come to the conclusion that God leaves them in tiny places to catch me by surprise and make me smile or laugh. I'm always such a nervous wreck all the time (In fact, I suffer from daily anxiety problems), it helps to hit a speed bump to make me slow down and relax.
I'm the functional kind of anxiety-sufferer. I'm mostly good at hiding it, depending on the situation. If I have a huge list of things to do in a certain amount of time, I'm very good at prioritizing and multitasking. In fact, I live for it. Maybe Asperger's Syndrome makes some people kind of obsessive compulsive, or maybe it just naturally turns some into brilliant organizers.
Pardon. I don't think I'm actually that smart. I have a friend who often talks to me about autistic individuals she's met who have brilliant minds, so I often fail to connect myself with them.
One of her friends, who happens to have Asperger's, made her laugh by somehow perfectly mimicking the sounds of a soda can tumbling out of a soda dispensing machine with only his mouth. While it's true I can personally do over a dozen imitations of animals and people of different ages and genders (Yes, I can go very deep. I'll make a video of it and show you how to do it, too. It takes some practice, but it's fun when you do learn how to manipulate your vocal chords. I was able to teach my sister how to do it, so I hope to teach you, too. It's a fairly boring, lonely world when you can never meet a person who knows how to do the same thing you can. If you ever find a YouTube video of a lady who can talk very deep-voiced by breathing in and manipulating her vocal chords, please paste her video below in the comments here. I would love to hear it.) ...Whoops. I was rambling. What was I saying? *reads back a little* ...Poop-heads. I forgot! I still can't remember! Oh, well. Time to get some much-needed sleep. (I had 3 1/2 hours of sleep last night. Looks like it will be six or 5 1/2 hours, depending on how much time it takes me to not daydream in front of the bathroom mirror and go brush my teeth, etc.) P.S. It didn't feel like I had 3 1/2 hours of sleep today, but my body will probably catch up to me tomorrow, though! Ugh. I'm not looking forward to that. Oh, well. Life repeats itself. :-)
2:37 AM
149,066
Feb 20th
I wasn't able to write much this time. I'm just so terribly sleepy. It's just because I was busy catching up on stuff on DeviantArt. Now, without further ado, I must sleep in my bed and not this chair.
3:59 AM
149,716
Feb 21st
Blah. There. I said something here. (Sorry, but I'm falling asleep at the moment. Busy day = late start in writing. I started past 1 AM.)
1:46 AM
150,824
Feb 21st - 22nd
Yep, Monday tomorrow. That's why I'm stopping my writing so early. But at least I made it to over 150,000 words! (I like pretty numbers.) I'll try to say more tomorrow, but I've got to go to bed. Mondays are busy for most people who work, and libraries are no exceptions! It's no problem, though. I love working. It feels really good to have big muscles from heavy-lifting.
Seriously! I don't exercise. I don't really need to with the manual labor I get at work. Well, maybe I need some abdominal workouts. Maybe I'll go back to yoga. But I'm not that flabby, really. It's just from eating too many sweets. But I'll wait until winter is over. Fat is a good insulator for staying warm.
My arms know that all too well. There's so much muscle in my arms now, they shiver the most when I'm cold! Oh well, I can't miss having flabby arms. I'd rather be strong than weak.
Haha, that's probably my "giant" genes talking! It comes from my father's side. My grandfather was very tall and strong, and my father was shorter but still strong. My brother and sister are much taller than me and have bigger feet (My sister's shoe size is 12, my brother's is 17.5, and mine is 8.5.). Both of them are well-built, despite their mostly lazy lifestyles (Oops! That's like me!). I used to be skinny for a long time, then age 14 and 15 hit me with lard (Okay, it wasn't that bad, but I was probably slightly overweight), and nowadays I'm muscle-bound and slightly flabby in spots.
I'd like to see how far I can get, though.
How about this: I'll start exercising and see how I measure-up later (Or each month?). I don't want to mention my waist measurement (It's not that bad, but I still want to keep things quiet unless I make huge progress. Plus, I just want to keep most of it until the temperatures rise into spring-like temperatures, too.), but I will tell you my biceps measurements: Right arm: 12 inches. Left arm: 12.5 inches.
...Of course. I say that I can't say much here, and instead of listening to myself, I go ahead a chatter on here and get big ideas. Now it's 3:02 AM, and I have to get up early. Blah! Story of my life! Oh well.
...Yeah. Come to think of it, I have to fix my bad sleeping habits before I seriously consider on pooping myself out with full workouts. Maybe I'll start on yoga and look into melatonin supplements (P.S. Not recommended for a long period of time. I'm just thinking about it to just honk the horn at my brain to stop being so restless at the wrong time.) or try herbal teas that could make me sleepy.
1:26 AM
151,572
Feb 28th & 29th
Oh, my poor kitty-cat. She's sleeping face-down on my leg, sleeping in my lap. ...Oh! She moved. Yeah, we're both sleepy. Good night/morning!
142,485
Feb 6 (barely any) & 7
Whoops. I forgot to write something here.
2:34 AM
144,707
Feb 12 & 13
I ate Top Ramen for dinner while I was writing. That's the only exciting thing I can think of that happened today.
Well, I was able to catch all three pukes when my cat threw up this evening (She sleeps in my lap for hours at a time, gets too hot in my lap, and doesn't want to get off my lap until she feels sick from the heat.), but that's about it.
I stayed up late last night, so I ended up sleeping late into the day. That's me on weekends, though. Little social life because it's too hard to socialize. Having Asperger's Syndrome makes you different from "normal" people that way. I think too slow, I talk too slow, and I either talk and laugh too loud, or too quietly (I prefer trying not to be too loud, because I'm not a boisterous, "rude" person and don't want to be seen that way. My brother is the opposite of me.). Because of these things, people tend to interrupt me, and that's one thing I can't stand. (I can take a few accidents, but any more than that? Good gosh, wait your turn! I'm not a competitive talker, so don't expect me to have fun battling to see who's the dominant one of the group!)
Well, I guess another significant thing that happened was this:
My sister came home and pulled out Valentine's Day goodies her friend gave her today. One of them was this pink pair of plastic sunglasses that was made to fit a little kid.
Sweetie is in heat again (Yes, I do plan to spay her soon), so it was hard to get a picture of her with them over her face (She kept wanting to rub her scent all over them). But then I took a video, found a frame that made me laugh, and took a picture within the video. This was the result. She looks so fabulous! You can even see her little teeth! :3 It's so cute!
Oh, yeah. Before I forget, here was me tonight, eating Top Ramen for dinner whilst writing:
It makes a good writer's food. Not too messy, and you can shove a bunch in your mouth at a time (In the privacy of your own home, without anyone to judge you) so that you don't have to stop writing many times just to scoop up food before it gets cold.
Of course, this image is just an exaggeration of how I eat. I had the plate on my lap so that I couldn't have a bunch of sticky noodles falling down on my legs like attacking ninjas. In real life, I make sure I don't have too much in my mouth so that I don't choke, and I definitely don't shove the noodles in my mouth and turn my head back to the computer screen and make them swing around gloriously as though they were squid tentacles wiggling in the wind. Also, my face does not always look like this when I'm writing. Most of the time, I look like a bored person sitting in a room full of people telling lame knock-knock jokes. Sometimes I chuckle a little (Not at the jokes. They're still lame.), sometimes I cry a little (Not out of despair of being unable to leave the room.), sometimes I get excited when I get an idea or when I finally hit (Not the people. I'm never physical, no matter how frustrated or angry I get.) a huge turn of events in the book I'm writing.
Urrrrrgh. I need sleep. Goodnight and good morning, folks! (It's 3:26 AM, already?? Blah! ...Maybe I'll start publishing these posts during the actual daytime....)
4:44 AM
145,644
Feb 15
It's really late and early in the morning. Can I go to bed, now? I couldn't stop writing. My family wouldn't go to bed until past midnight. ...Oh, alright. I'll write here just a little.
How was my Valentine's Day? Just a family thing. I'm single, and I'm not open for any suitors. I have too much to do in life, and too many dreams to accomplish. If I got into a relationship, I'd have a lot less time to do those things. Plus, if I had kids, there's a high chance they'd all have some kind of health problem, either at birth, or later in life. I can't bear to see that or make a child live with that. Asperger's Syndrome runs strongly through families, so that means there's a high chance it'd be passed down the next generation. Asperger's has varying characteristics, too. You can get the constantly-talking, interrupting, outgoing type like my mom and siblings, or you get the quiet type like me who can't socialize very well. I can't stand the other type and often get frustrated in all directions, so imagine life with me having kids of that type. No, I've never lost my temper with kids. I worry a lot. Too much. Always looking out for them. --Ohmygosh my cat is climbing all over me! ...My mom's alarm just went off. My mom is up. Hopefully she won't judge me for still being up (It's 5 AM, and she has to go to work.). ...Okay. So far, she's not. But Sweetie is. But I can't guarantee it for long. She's normally like, "You should get to bed! You're going to be tired when you get up!" Every time?? You have to say that?? ...Sorry. I'm ranting. Yep, that's what I'm like when I'm frustrated. Not very extreme, but she always wants to be right, but I hate repetition and people judging me and bugging me throughout the day with the same sentences all the time. It's just part of my upbringing. I lived with a mentally and verbally abusive aunt for 9 years, and she loved to find my weaknesses. I never lost my temper with her, but for some reasons she liked burrowing her teeth inside your brain anyway, just so she could see you suffer, stammer, stutter, grow silent, avoid eye contact, and make your mind freeze up so you'd panic and be rendered a vegetable she could munch on. ...Ah, that was a little raw, but enough about food. Time to go to bed. Why? Sweetie said so: "Oh oo beh?" And she had the biggest pupils you'd ever see. She's worried about me, and has been waiting all night to sleep with me. Whelp, Happy Valentines Day! (Or, rather, I hope you had a happy one!)
3:00 AM
148,416
Feb 15 & 16
Ha! I stopped at 3:00 AM right on the dot! (Or is that "spot"? Sometimes I get my weird speech from my Oklahoma-native grandma. She moved to Seattle when she was 16, so it's been almost 74 years and she still spits out interesting stuff from her mouth. <-- Of course, she doesn't use "spit" as a word to use like this. That's my characters affecting my speech.)
It's funny when you've been writing and "living with" your characters for so long, you end up talking like them or using their words. ...Or is that your made-up words?
Years ago, when it started leaking out of me, it just spewed out. People didn't know what was going on; why I was talking funny all the time. And with a weird accent.
Do my characters have accents? Yes and no. I made up an old/new language for some of them to use when I was 14, but all of them are fluent enough in "English" as they are with the old/new language, so there's little accent to be heard. Those who are old have more of an accent merely because there are certain pronunciations they still prefer.
So, having freshly made several of the words and practiced a few favorite sentences over and over again so I wouldn't stumble over any of the words, I started developing the language's accent. It was funny, because, at the time, I was also trying to master a British accent. I'd talk to my cats and read out of books like that. Soon, weird things happened. The made-up language started pushing its way through the British accent, and the British accent started pushing its way into the made-up language. But, you know, if the made-up language's accent sounds mostly similar to it, you're going to have to expect that to happen.
It was around that time that I was having difficulty hiding it outside my bedroom. People started either complaining (My aunt), or asking me where I was from. From the latter, I laughed and had to explain it in full.
I tried so hard to revert back to my old, stumbling "plain" speech (Oh, and here's another thing: I LIKED the accents because it helped reduce my speech problems. I often stumbled over my words - Nay, a LOT - and it's been better ever since then.), it probably got better over the course of a few weeks or more. In the end, I kept some pronunciations. I kept the "oo" and "o" in "soon" and "both". Actually, it's hard to tell in "o". You'd have to listen hard, but the "o" helped me a lot for a lot time.
Ack! I have to get up at 8:30-ish and it's 3:39 AM now! Time for bed! Goodnight!
12:47 AM
148,816
Feb 16th (11:00 PM) - Feb 17th (12:47 AM)
Ha! (Hey, second day in a row I start with "Ha!" in a log/post!) I thought the word count looked familiar! Yesterday's word count was 148,416 words, and tonight's is 148,816 words. Exactly 400 words were written. I love it when numbers match or when they make rounded numbers, however far away they are. "Funny little coincidences", I like to call them, and I get plenty.
I've come to the conclusion that God leaves them in tiny places to catch me by surprise and make me smile or laugh. I'm always such a nervous wreck all the time (In fact, I suffer from daily anxiety problems), it helps to hit a speed bump to make me slow down and relax.
I'm the functional kind of anxiety-sufferer. I'm mostly good at hiding it, depending on the situation. If I have a huge list of things to do in a certain amount of time, I'm very good at prioritizing and multitasking. In fact, I live for it. Maybe Asperger's Syndrome makes some people kind of obsessive compulsive, or maybe it just naturally turns some into brilliant organizers.
Pardon. I don't think I'm actually that smart. I have a friend who often talks to me about autistic individuals she's met who have brilliant minds, so I often fail to connect myself with them.
One of her friends, who happens to have Asperger's, made her laugh by somehow perfectly mimicking the sounds of a soda can tumbling out of a soda dispensing machine with only his mouth. While it's true I can personally do over a dozen imitations of animals and people of different ages and genders (Yes, I can go very deep. I'll make a video of it and show you how to do it, too. It takes some practice, but it's fun when you do learn how to manipulate your vocal chords. I was able to teach my sister how to do it, so I hope to teach you, too. It's a fairly boring, lonely world when you can never meet a person who knows how to do the same thing you can. If you ever find a YouTube video of a lady who can talk very deep-voiced by breathing in and manipulating her vocal chords, please paste her video below in the comments here. I would love to hear it.) ...Whoops. I was rambling. What was I saying? *reads back a little* ...Poop-heads. I forgot! I still can't remember! Oh, well. Time to get some much-needed sleep. (I had 3 1/2 hours of sleep last night. Looks like it will be six or 5 1/2 hours, depending on how much time it takes me to not daydream in front of the bathroom mirror and go brush my teeth, etc.) P.S. It didn't feel like I had 3 1/2 hours of sleep today, but my body will probably catch up to me tomorrow, though! Ugh. I'm not looking forward to that. Oh, well. Life repeats itself. :-)
2:37 AM
149,066
Feb 20th
I wasn't able to write much this time. I'm just so terribly sleepy. It's just because I was busy catching up on stuff on DeviantArt. Now, without further ado, I must sleep in my bed and not this chair.
3:59 AM
149,716
Feb 21st
Blah. There. I said something here. (Sorry, but I'm falling asleep at the moment. Busy day = late start in writing. I started past 1 AM.)
1:46 AM
150,824
Feb 21st - 22nd
Yep, Monday tomorrow. That's why I'm stopping my writing so early. But at least I made it to over 150,000 words! (I like pretty numbers.) I'll try to say more tomorrow, but I've got to go to bed. Mondays are busy for most people who work, and libraries are no exceptions! It's no problem, though. I love working. It feels really good to have big muscles from heavy-lifting.
Seriously! I don't exercise. I don't really need to with the manual labor I get at work. Well, maybe I need some abdominal workouts. Maybe I'll go back to yoga. But I'm not that flabby, really. It's just from eating too many sweets. But I'll wait until winter is over. Fat is a good insulator for staying warm.
My arms know that all too well. There's so much muscle in my arms now, they shiver the most when I'm cold! Oh well, I can't miss having flabby arms. I'd rather be strong than weak.
Haha, that's probably my "giant" genes talking! It comes from my father's side. My grandfather was very tall and strong, and my father was shorter but still strong. My brother and sister are much taller than me and have bigger feet (My sister's shoe size is 12, my brother's is 17.5, and mine is 8.5.). Both of them are well-built, despite their mostly lazy lifestyles (Oops! That's like me!). I used to be skinny for a long time, then age 14 and 15 hit me with lard (Okay, it wasn't that bad, but I was probably slightly overweight), and nowadays I'm muscle-bound and slightly flabby in spots.
I'd like to see how far I can get, though.
How about this: I'll start exercising and see how I measure-up later (Or each month?). I don't want to mention my waist measurement (It's not that bad, but I still want to keep things quiet unless I make huge progress. Plus, I just want to keep most of it until the temperatures rise into spring-like temperatures, too.), but I will tell you my biceps measurements: Right arm: 12 inches. Left arm: 12.5 inches.
...Of course. I say that I can't say much here, and instead of listening to myself, I go ahead a chatter on here and get big ideas. Now it's 3:02 AM, and I have to get up early. Blah! Story of my life! Oh well.
...Yeah. Come to think of it, I have to fix my bad sleeping habits before I seriously consider on pooping myself out with full workouts. Maybe I'll start on yoga and look into melatonin supplements (P.S. Not recommended for a long period of time. I'm just thinking about it to just honk the horn at my brain to stop being so restless at the wrong time.) or try herbal teas that could make me sleepy.
1:26 AM
151,572
Feb 28th & 29th
Oh, my poor kitty-cat. She's sleeping face-down on my leg, sleeping in my lap. ...Oh! She moved. Yeah, we're both sleepy. Good night/morning!
Thursday, February 4, 2016
A Little Spoiler (Not the bad kind)
Check out what I made and read the description! ^_^ :-D
http://jennifercocoafulk.deviantart.com/art/Green-Dragon-588608890
For those of you who don't have access to DeviantArt:
I was trying to make a random dragon but accidentally made one of my characters, instead. I've got the book series on my mind as usual.
P.S. Now that's one way to mark the 11th year anniversary since this book series was born! Now to somehow restart writing Book 1 so that you can start reading it...?
http://jennifercocoafulk.deviantart.com/art/Green-Dragon-588608890
For those of you who don't have access to DeviantArt:
P.S. Now that's one way to mark the 11th year anniversary since this book series was born! Now to somehow restart writing Book 1 so that you can start reading it...?
Monday, January 11, 2016
January 2016
1:51 AM
January 9th
126,770 words total
Day 90
I was too tired to say anything here.
1:57 AM
January 11th
127,730
Day 91
Yep, looks like I'm officially back to writing again. I admit I got stuck on the last scenes, which weren't quite feeling right. Although I originally stopped writing because I got busy with other projects and family stuff, whenever I did feel like writing, my mind would go back to how I hated the last part for being annoying. Then I'd procrastinate because I didn't know what to do about it. Well, as always, daydreaming helped me over it.
All I needed was a cat that woke me up this morning (Rather, the morning of January 10th) just before my alarm went off, wanted to go under the covers with me because she was cold, and lying in bed daydreaming for two hours while I waited for her to get warm enough. (P.S. She didn't, so I eventually had to get out of bed before she did because my bladder was otherwise going to explode. AND she didn't get out of bed until I was having breakfast. Funny little girl.) Done! Problem solved! You'd think that all cats are horrible to their writer owners for lying down on their computer, choosing their typing hands as a bed, or otherwise being a nuisance, but Sweetie isn't that at all. She just sleeps in my lap while I'm writing and evidently can keep me in bed until I have an idea that breaks writers' block at the right time. I say "right time" because the holidays are over, and because my sister no longer needs quite so much help after her bunion surgery (Her stitches were removed on Friday! Yay!).
Something I'm currently doing now: Reading a book and writing a book at the same time. ^_^ Yes! Success, finally! In case you're wondering, the book I'm reading is called New Hope Chronicles: Book One: Dragon Flame by Pat Harris. It's a huge book, but it's amazing so far. I'm on page 141 right now.
Something I'm thinking about doing: Writing two books at a time. Yeah, so I've lately been mentally pulling out my hair for not having written G1:TLB. Yes, that's the abbreviation of book one. :-) Excited? I hope you are, because I sure am. The last time I tried writing, I forgot my password for the Microsoft Word file! Fortunately, I did print off about five pages worth of writing I did in 2013 (or was it 2012?) before I had to stop writing and do a ton of important things. Was it stupid for not having written down the password? Very. But, at least I have the hard copy. Very soon I'll type that up again and continue where I left off. Besides that, why am I doing this? Well, I used to be able to write two different books at the same time back in 2007, so I want to see if I can try it again.
Oh my gosh, this is hilarious. I'm literally having to type this with one hand right now because my other hand is holding Sweetie on the chair. She sort of slipped between my legs onto the chair, but she's at the brink of slipping off the chair, too, so I now have to hold my hand against her back so she doesn't spill all over the floor. Her fur is so soft, and she's so little, I swear she could become a great ninja cat and hide in the butt cracks of her enemies and still go unnoticed. ...Oh! Now she's snoring! Hahaha! ...If only I could reach the camera, but it's just two or three inches beyond my reach. ..Ha! I got it! ...by the sacrifice of her slumber, though. I caught a picture of her yawning in the position:
1:09 AM
January 13th
127,807
Day 92
Seventy-seven words written. I think it's the weather. So many people all around the Seattle area have been getting sick lately, and today - er, January 12th - people have not been of good mood. My emotions can occasionally get rocky due to the weather, but today (Okay, I'm just going to call it "today" because my days usually end in the wee hours of the morning), it was pretty bad. Besides from only getting 5 hours of sleep, I was not feeling 100%. I was disorganized and not thinking clearly all day, kept stumbling over my words, and had a high level of anxiety. I'm fine now, but that's just because I don't have to talk to anyone. My mom and sister are asleep. The dog is asleep.
Sweetie, my cat? Well, she's waiting for me to go to bed at the moment. She can always tell when I really need to go to bed. At first, she sleeps in my lap. Then, she gets up and sits on her belly (Not lying down, not sitting, not crouching: What else is it called? I can't think at the moment.), facing the direction of the bedroom. She swivels her ears around and occasionally looks back at me to see if I'm getting ready to get off the computer, yet. Now she's on the back of my chair, looking over my shoulder. Now she's on my lap again. *she burps* My, what a loud burp that was! It sounded like: "Kurrp!" That was the most satisfying cat burp I've ever heard. Anywayyy, besides me being obviously immature when I'm running on little sleep, I've now forgotten what I was going to say, next. Oh, well. Time to go to bed, kitty.
2:36 AM
January 15 - 16
129,837
Day 93 & 94
Woohoo! Almost 130,000 words! (Nothing significant about that number, really.) But I'm starting to fall asleep, so I think I need to wrap it up for tonight. Tomorrow I have to go bring some stuff to my brother. He's sick with a cold of sorts, so I have to leave around noon. Poor guy. Anyways, good night!
2:26 AM
January 17 - 18
132,629
Day 95 & 96
Nothing eventful happening in life lately. Nothing really does, except for personal, family-related problems that occur every now and then. My life is basically working, and later computer time at home. Today, I realized why I feel restless and tend to waste my time on social media: It's writing anxiety. I enjoy peace and quiet with nobody talking while I'm writing. Only problem is, I have a very talkative family with memory problems. Yeah, it sucks, I know. So, if I write during the day, I'm often interrupted with unnecessary questions, constant talking, people getting irritated and disappointed that you were listening to music on headphones while they were talking (How was I supposed to know you were talking to me? Wearing headphones means I'm trying to block out your face noise so I can hear my own thoughts!), and people thinking that yelling silly stuff back-and-forth at each other is funny. Okay, I do it, too. But it's not appropriate when somebody's trying to focus on a writing project, and they ask you several times to keep it down. And yes, I'm buying some sound-blocking earbuds, now. Ahh, but anyway. Story of my life. ...No, you probably don't want to read that story. Then again, if you were entertained by my tiny bit of venting just now, you might end up reading it. ...No, then again, that's not really what the story of my life is all about. It's not like a reality TV show, it's more like a thriller, action movie, and a documentary about a childhood full of all sorts of abuse. Yeah, unpleasant. But that little girl has grown up and survived even a rollover car accident. Okay, so that wasn't checked off my bucket list when I was still a child, but it's certainly the coolest-sounding, right? ...Okay, it was scary. But it was just like an action movie when I had my eyes open the whole time. The top of the car skidding across the road.... Okay, I need to shut up, now. Time for bed.
3:47 AM
January 18 - 19
134,794
Day [96] & 97
Oh, shoot! Time raced with me, hid, and is now laughing and mocking at my having lost it! I have to get up early "tomorrow"!
1:01 AM
January 20
135,059
Day 98
I've been falling asleep several times. I started writing exactly at midnight. (Interesting coincidence. I wrote the first words I did tonight and looked at the time. 12:00 AM exactly.) Unfortunately, I can't stay awake. I blame myself for getting only 4 hours of sleep last night. But I was just so animated, I couldn't easily stop writing where I was! Well, time to sleep, now. Much to my cat's delight, since I'm her bed.
Psst! She's sleeping in my lap right now. She was complaining to me earlier to go to "beh" and was going in and out of the bedroom giving me exasperated looks as she did. *I doze off for several seconds* ...Okay, I really need to go to bed, now. This is a sign that I finally need to listen to her. Enough talk.
3:50 AM
January 20 - 21
138,407
Day [98] & 99
Agh! Time flies when exciting things happen in your stories! I have to stop now, or I'll just plop over tomorrow. I'm leaving off in the middle of the action, which is unbearable, but I absolutely have to go to bed, now! (P.S. The worst place to leave off writing is when you don't know what's going to happen next. So, leaving off here could be worse.) Oh, my poor kitty-cat. I told her "Let's go to bed", and she wakes up and rests her head on my nearby hand. I know, I'm sorry.
3:18 AM
January 23
138,501
Day 100
Woohoo! It's officially been 100 writing days since Day 1! Unfortunately, I'm having difficulty staying awake. I'll write some within that hour mark. ...Wait, 'that hour mark'? Haha, I just dozed off and kept typing, having some dream with dialogue in it. I meant to say: "I'll write some within the time frame of this 100th day." Ugh. I need more sleep. It's been catching up to me lately. And yeah, I only wrote a small handful of words this time because I started writing not long ago after playing a Pokemon game (Red version) on my GBA SP for several hours.
11:58 PM
January 23
138,691
[Day 100]
Why did I stop writing two minutes before midnight? Well... because, for some reason, a random thought popped into my head that was completely unrelated to what I was writing! Yeah, it's probably from the mere fact that I was multitasking, feeling unusually restless for some reason.
I was writing, uploading a private YouTube video of my brother doing an impression of Wreck-It Ralph in a too-dark place (thus my making it private and not public, because it is pointless to watch. The only reason why I uploaded it to YouTube was simply because I wanted to hear what he sounded like in different pitches.), and playing Pokemon Red Version on my GBA SP.
I stopped writing because I was annoyed that it was taking too long for YouTube to edit my video (I changed the lighting, but it still was too dark for the joke to be understood: My brother looks, sounds, and acts just like Wreck-It Ralph.). I just can't write and get distracted by the real world. I write best when I totally zone into the story, like I'm right there watching it unfold. So, if I'm anxiously waiting for a video to get done being edited so I can close YouTube and no longer have to think about it, there's no point in writing. I played the Pokemon game, checking every few minutes to see if it was done. Being that it took so long, that by the time YouTube finished editing it, I had some off-topic thoughts running into my head. I can't remember what the first video was that I watched, but, ultimately, one video led to another. And another.
Watching videos of natural disasters wasn't really a great idea, either, so I tried watching other videos to get it off my mind. Well, I found something that looked interesting, but it ended up to be unexpectedly creepy. I found myself in the weird corner of YouTube. So, in the end, I ended up watching 3 hours worth of videos with no writing done early in the morning of January 24th! Yay! Hooray for no progress! Oh well, it's just one odd night of restlessness. ...I hope. *gulp*
And yes, I do need to go to bed sooner than 3 AM. Or 2 AM. ...It's 3:29 AM right now. Good freaks. Monday morning is going to be a killer for waking up at 8:30 AM. Well, good night! ... *whimpers* O__O
2:08 AM
January 24 & 25
140,986
Day 101 & 102
I'm falling asleep again and again and again. I could write all night, defeated only by the need for sleep.
1:32 AM
January 25 & 26
141,256
Day [102] & 103
Blah. There. I wrote something here. ...Sorry, but I'm trying to fix my sleeping schedule, and it's not getting much better by the looks of it. More writing here tomorrow! Here, have something funny to look at while you're waiting (an old picture of a lady with Grave's disease combined with a recent picture of me):
January 9th
126,770 words total
Day 90
I was too tired to say anything here.
1:57 AM
January 11th
127,730
Day 91
Yep, looks like I'm officially back to writing again. I admit I got stuck on the last scenes, which weren't quite feeling right. Although I originally stopped writing because I got busy with other projects and family stuff, whenever I did feel like writing, my mind would go back to how I hated the last part for being annoying. Then I'd procrastinate because I didn't know what to do about it. Well, as always, daydreaming helped me over it.
All I needed was a cat that woke me up this morning (Rather, the morning of January 10th) just before my alarm went off, wanted to go under the covers with me because she was cold, and lying in bed daydreaming for two hours while I waited for her to get warm enough. (P.S. She didn't, so I eventually had to get out of bed before she did because my bladder was otherwise going to explode. AND she didn't get out of bed until I was having breakfast. Funny little girl.) Done! Problem solved! You'd think that all cats are horrible to their writer owners for lying down on their computer, choosing their typing hands as a bed, or otherwise being a nuisance, but Sweetie isn't that at all. She just sleeps in my lap while I'm writing and evidently can keep me in bed until I have an idea that breaks writers' block at the right time. I say "right time" because the holidays are over, and because my sister no longer needs quite so much help after her bunion surgery (Her stitches were removed on Friday! Yay!).
Something I'm currently doing now: Reading a book and writing a book at the same time. ^_^ Yes! Success, finally! In case you're wondering, the book I'm reading is called New Hope Chronicles: Book One: Dragon Flame by Pat Harris. It's a huge book, but it's amazing so far. I'm on page 141 right now.
Something I'm thinking about doing: Writing two books at a time. Yeah, so I've lately been mentally pulling out my hair for not having written G1:TLB. Yes, that's the abbreviation of book one. :-) Excited? I hope you are, because I sure am. The last time I tried writing, I forgot my password for the Microsoft Word file! Fortunately, I did print off about five pages worth of writing I did in 2013 (or was it 2012?) before I had to stop writing and do a ton of important things. Was it stupid for not having written down the password? Very. But, at least I have the hard copy. Very soon I'll type that up again and continue where I left off. Besides that, why am I doing this? Well, I used to be able to write two different books at the same time back in 2007, so I want to see if I can try it again.
Oh my gosh, this is hilarious. I'm literally having to type this with one hand right now because my other hand is holding Sweetie on the chair. She sort of slipped between my legs onto the chair, but she's at the brink of slipping off the chair, too, so I now have to hold my hand against her back so she doesn't spill all over the floor. Her fur is so soft, and she's so little, I swear she could become a great ninja cat and hide in the butt cracks of her enemies and still go unnoticed. ...Oh! Now she's snoring! Hahaha! ...If only I could reach the camera, but it's just two or three inches beyond my reach. ..Ha! I got it! ...by the sacrifice of her slumber, though. I caught a picture of her yawning in the position:
Sorry for the jumbo legs view, there. Holidays makes people gain weight. But actually I'm pretty muscular (I'm not kidding you. I walk everywhere and am on my feet ALL day!). It's just when the muscles and fat relax together while being squished down flat on the seat of a chair that makes people look way fatter than they really are. Haha, I recall skinny girls in my 6th grade class giggling as they pounded on their thighs and made them jiggle: "Bwoom! Bwoom!" ...Heheh, uh, anyways. You get the picture. Oh, look! A cat yawning while her owner is keeping her from sliding off the chair! Cute!
Time for bed, kitty. It's 2:51 AM. My head needs recharging, and you need some anti-slip material for that super-soft fur of yours. (Seriously, she's 4 1/2 years old now, and she still feels as soft as when she was a two-month-old kitten!)
1:09 AM
January 13th
127,807
Day 92
Seventy-seven words written. I think it's the weather. So many people all around the Seattle area have been getting sick lately, and today - er, January 12th - people have not been of good mood. My emotions can occasionally get rocky due to the weather, but today (Okay, I'm just going to call it "today" because my days usually end in the wee hours of the morning), it was pretty bad. Besides from only getting 5 hours of sleep, I was not feeling 100%. I was disorganized and not thinking clearly all day, kept stumbling over my words, and had a high level of anxiety. I'm fine now, but that's just because I don't have to talk to anyone. My mom and sister are asleep. The dog is asleep.
Sweetie, my cat? Well, she's waiting for me to go to bed at the moment. She can always tell when I really need to go to bed. At first, she sleeps in my lap. Then, she gets up and sits on her belly (Not lying down, not sitting, not crouching: What else is it called? I can't think at the moment.), facing the direction of the bedroom. She swivels her ears around and occasionally looks back at me to see if I'm getting ready to get off the computer, yet. Now she's on the back of my chair, looking over my shoulder. Now she's on my lap again. *she burps* My, what a loud burp that was! It sounded like: "Kurrp!" That was the most satisfying cat burp I've ever heard. Anywayyy, besides me being obviously immature when I'm running on little sleep, I've now forgotten what I was going to say, next. Oh, well. Time to go to bed, kitty.
2:36 AM
January 15 - 16
129,837
Day 93 & 94
Woohoo! Almost 130,000 words! (Nothing significant about that number, really.) But I'm starting to fall asleep, so I think I need to wrap it up for tonight. Tomorrow I have to go bring some stuff to my brother. He's sick with a cold of sorts, so I have to leave around noon. Poor guy. Anyways, good night!
2:26 AM
January 17 - 18
132,629
Day 95 & 96
Nothing eventful happening in life lately. Nothing really does, except for personal, family-related problems that occur every now and then. My life is basically working, and later computer time at home. Today, I realized why I feel restless and tend to waste my time on social media: It's writing anxiety. I enjoy peace and quiet with nobody talking while I'm writing. Only problem is, I have a very talkative family with memory problems. Yeah, it sucks, I know. So, if I write during the day, I'm often interrupted with unnecessary questions, constant talking, people getting irritated and disappointed that you were listening to music on headphones while they were talking (How was I supposed to know you were talking to me? Wearing headphones means I'm trying to block out your face noise so I can hear my own thoughts!), and people thinking that yelling silly stuff back-and-forth at each other is funny. Okay, I do it, too. But it's not appropriate when somebody's trying to focus on a writing project, and they ask you several times to keep it down. And yes, I'm buying some sound-blocking earbuds, now. Ahh, but anyway. Story of my life. ...No, you probably don't want to read that story. Then again, if you were entertained by my tiny bit of venting just now, you might end up reading it. ...No, then again, that's not really what the story of my life is all about. It's not like a reality TV show, it's more like a thriller, action movie, and a documentary about a childhood full of all sorts of abuse. Yeah, unpleasant. But that little girl has grown up and survived even a rollover car accident. Okay, so that wasn't checked off my bucket list when I was still a child, but it's certainly the coolest-sounding, right? ...Okay, it was scary. But it was just like an action movie when I had my eyes open the whole time. The top of the car skidding across the road.... Okay, I need to shut up, now. Time for bed.
3:47 AM
January 18 - 19
134,794
Day [96] & 97
Oh, shoot! Time raced with me, hid, and is now laughing and mocking at my having lost it! I have to get up early "tomorrow"!
1:01 AM
January 20
135,059
Day 98
I've been falling asleep several times. I started writing exactly at midnight. (Interesting coincidence. I wrote the first words I did tonight and looked at the time. 12:00 AM exactly.) Unfortunately, I can't stay awake. I blame myself for getting only 4 hours of sleep last night. But I was just so animated, I couldn't easily stop writing where I was! Well, time to sleep, now. Much to my cat's delight, since I'm her bed.
Psst! She's sleeping in my lap right now. She was complaining to me earlier to go to "beh" and was going in and out of the bedroom giving me exasperated looks as she did. *I doze off for several seconds* ...Okay, I really need to go to bed, now. This is a sign that I finally need to listen to her. Enough talk.
3:50 AM
January 20 - 21
138,407
Day [98] & 99
Agh! Time flies when exciting things happen in your stories! I have to stop now, or I'll just plop over tomorrow. I'm leaving off in the middle of the action, which is unbearable, but I absolutely have to go to bed, now! (P.S. The worst place to leave off writing is when you don't know what's going to happen next. So, leaving off here could be worse.) Oh, my poor kitty-cat. I told her "Let's go to bed", and she wakes up and rests her head on my nearby hand. I know, I'm sorry.
3:18 AM
January 23
138,501
Day 100
Woohoo! It's officially been 100 writing days since Day 1! Unfortunately, I'm having difficulty staying awake. I'll write some within that hour mark. ...Wait, 'that hour mark'? Haha, I just dozed off and kept typing, having some dream with dialogue in it. I meant to say: "I'll write some within the time frame of this 100th day." Ugh. I need more sleep. It's been catching up to me lately. And yeah, I only wrote a small handful of words this time because I started writing not long ago after playing a Pokemon game (Red version) on my GBA SP for several hours.
11:58 PM
January 23
138,691
[Day 100]
Why did I stop writing two minutes before midnight? Well... because, for some reason, a random thought popped into my head that was completely unrelated to what I was writing! Yeah, it's probably from the mere fact that I was multitasking, feeling unusually restless for some reason.
I was writing, uploading a private YouTube video of my brother doing an impression of Wreck-It Ralph in a too-dark place (thus my making it private and not public, because it is pointless to watch. The only reason why I uploaded it to YouTube was simply because I wanted to hear what he sounded like in different pitches.), and playing Pokemon Red Version on my GBA SP.
I stopped writing because I was annoyed that it was taking too long for YouTube to edit my video (I changed the lighting, but it still was too dark for the joke to be understood: My brother looks, sounds, and acts just like Wreck-It Ralph.). I just can't write and get distracted by the real world. I write best when I totally zone into the story, like I'm right there watching it unfold. So, if I'm anxiously waiting for a video to get done being edited so I can close YouTube and no longer have to think about it, there's no point in writing. I played the Pokemon game, checking every few minutes to see if it was done. Being that it took so long, that by the time YouTube finished editing it, I had some off-topic thoughts running into my head. I can't remember what the first video was that I watched, but, ultimately, one video led to another. And another.
Watching videos of natural disasters wasn't really a great idea, either, so I tried watching other videos to get it off my mind. Well, I found something that looked interesting, but it ended up to be unexpectedly creepy. I found myself in the weird corner of YouTube. So, in the end, I ended up watching 3 hours worth of videos with no writing done early in the morning of January 24th! Yay! Hooray for no progress! Oh well, it's just one odd night of restlessness. ...I hope. *gulp*
And yes, I do need to go to bed sooner than 3 AM. Or 2 AM. ...It's 3:29 AM right now. Good freaks. Monday morning is going to be a killer for waking up at 8:30 AM. Well, good night! ... *whimpers* O__O
2:08 AM
January 24 & 25
140,986
Day 101 & 102
I'm falling asleep again and again and again. I could write all night, defeated only by the need for sleep.
1:32 AM
January 25 & 26
141,256
Day [102] & 103
Blah. There. I wrote something here. ...Sorry, but I'm trying to fix my sleeping schedule, and it's not getting much better by the looks of it. More writing here tomorrow! Here, have something funny to look at while you're waiting (an old picture of a lady with Grave's disease combined with a recent picture of me):
1:06 AM
January 26th & 27th
141,978
Day [103] & 104
Interesting. So, it looks like I'm improving by stopping early by the half hour. Approximately 2 AM, 1:30 AM, and 1 AM. Good. So, I'll be able to reach my goal of 12:30 or earlier by tomorrow night (or is that morning? Haha). I have a very busy Thursday coming up, so I'll need extra sleep.
Other than that, I don't really know what to talk about. Oh, yeah. Weather is always interesting to talk about. While the east coast of the US has been struck by a blizzard, over here in western Washington is getting a bit warm. I only needed a thin jacket today. And the wind was blowing. I love the wind. I have super long hair, so it always feels nice, cold or warm.
Other than that, I don't really know what to talk about. Oh, yeah. Weather is always interesting to talk about. While the east coast of the US has been struck by a blizzard, over here in western Washington is getting a bit warm. I only needed a thin jacket today. And the wind was blowing. I love the wind. I have super long hair, so it always feels nice, cold or warm.
...Yes, it started when I was little. I loved Pocahontas and could just feel how she felt with the wind in her hair. But I don't have black hair. Mine's dirty blond. ...Dishwater blond. ...Okay, is there a nice way to describe it? I hate saying both. *looks it up* Okay. This is much better: Dark blond or sandy blond.
Anyway, it turns into a golden blond in the summer, especially if I get a huge dose of sunshine. I remember back in 2004, when I was 12, I went to Disney World and Niceville, FL for the whole month of August. I had my picture taken near the end, and it was a fiery orange gold color. I loved it.
But you know what's weird? I have always felt like I'm a brunette, even now. Whenever I hear people talking about blonds, I forget I am one. Maybe it's because I look like a brunette in the dark? Or maybe I am that dumb of a blond, because I have Asperger's Syndrome? ...Whatever. Everybody's got problems, even the ones who deny it. (Psst! Therein lies their problem! They deny things about themselves too much! *imagines someone wanting to argue that statement*)
Whoops. Look at the time. 1:41 AM. Oh well, I did promise you guys with "More writing here tomorrow!" Thanks for reading! :-D (P.S. I probably will not write until Friday night. Wednesday night: Early bed time! Thursday night: Exhausted and sleepy person time!)
1:55 AM
January 29th & 30th
141,988
Day 105 & 106
Don't worry, I wrote more than 10 words. I just had to delete a whole paragraph because I wrote it when I was falling asleep a few nights ago.
Speaking of sleep, Sweetie is sleeping on my hand. She knew it was warm, she was cold, so she hopped into my lap and laid down on top of it so that it would warm her belly. Now she's using it as her pillow..
...*dozes off while writing this* *leg jerks* *wakes up in alarm* ...Okay, I can't be awake any longer. Good night/day!
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Where Have I Been? What Am I doing?
If you can't stand to read anything without paragraphs, wait to read this tomorrow. I'll organize this into paragraphs then. Too sleepy to keep going. I'm falling asleep, here. ~ Me, 2:25 AM, January 6th, Pacific Time, underwear on sleeping mice too big for it, it's going to be hard getting my cat off my lap, but I need sleep now, blah.
Whoops. I haven't written a single word in this book since October 11th? Ouch. But notice how I mentioned "...in THIS book." Yes, I was writing a side project. You see, I remember promises to friends so well, they tend to hurt over a long period of time every time I remember it. So, after about 4 or 5 years, I decided last minute to do NaNoWriMo. Did I win? No. Did I get close to the 50,000 word goal? Unfortunately, family issues sprung up like Dalmation spots everywhere, so I had to fix them since I basically do the father's role for my single mom. It's fine for me, just not fine for my writing. Oh, well. I wasn't expecting myself to reach 50,000, but I tried to see how far I'd get. Like I was racing an imaginary friend to a childhood tree: I did it for the fun more than for risking despair at not making it. I hate negative feelings. I grew up around people like that, and it's not my cup of tea to drown in it, anymore. Best have sweet things. Sweet tea, sweets... ah, what am I saying? Oh, heheheh. I've been craving sweets lately. I blame the holidays. Oh, and what became of my dental problem? Well, I ran out of time to take off work for that (I blame fear + anxiety + frustration over insurances and places that would take me). Plus, I got sick with colds and bronchitis, so there goes my vacation time. That's okay. I was originally nervous about having very few extra hours to use up if I got sick this winter anyway. It's good I did. But, no worries. My wisdom teeth haven't been bothering me since, so here's hoping I'll make it until this summer to do it. But, really. Much has happened since October, so I haven't been lazy. ...Or have I? Depends on one's perspective, but I've literally been too exhausted and fatigued to notice much. Yes, yes. I'm doing fine. My sister had a bunionectomy (A bunion is too much bone growth in a toe knuckle joint, causing stiffness and pain from walking or even just no obvious triggers, so a surgeon just has to shave off the unneeded edge of the joint and sometimes poke a little in the ligaments to create scar tissue that helps increase cushion in between the bones so they don't have to grind so close to each other), so I've been running around like a chicken without a head taking care of her and taking her to numerous foot doctor appointments. Thankfully, she's healing very well and will be getting her stitches out this Friday. Other than that, it's just been shopping and preparing for the holidays, eating, and procrastinating all over social media instead of writing. There. Now, I finally admit to some of it. But it's not easy to decide things! I've been feeling restless and horribly indecisive! Should I keep writing the NaNoWriMo book (which I got to 10,338 words), continue writing this book, or start writing Book 1 of this series? It's really been bugging me. The more time flies by me, the more I feel like I don't have much time left! It's not easy living a life fearing death will take you before you publish! Yeah.... It's my biggest fear. I've been planning out this book series for... 11 years. Good freaks, time flies! It only feels like it's been a couple of months since I said I've been working on it for 10! You see what I mean, now? If you are a human and you have a life, you live more than you write. I swear, it's my curse in life. I've had a crazy life, ever since I can remember. A little girl with big, half-aware, half-disbelieving eyes. Trauma does a lot to a kid, but I suppose some of that is to be blamed on my half-Asperger's Syndrome. Whatever. I don't care anymore. Actually, it's 1:35 AM, and I'm tired. I don't know what I'm saying. But having been writing this for a little more than half an hour, I'd say it's about time to make a choice, here. Go to bed earlier, as my body has been moaning for me to do, or write, as my restlessness has been screaming at me to do? ...I feel more up to going to bed, now. Today was a very busy day shelving books at work. Besides that, I carried a 20-pound container of cat litter up a hill for nearly ten blocks home from the store this evening because we were out and my mom's week is booked. Also because we don't have drivers' licenses. Not that we failed our tests or are horrible drivers or anything, but we both suffer from panic attacks and panic anxiety. (YES, there is a difference! I'm fed up with overhearing people say they had a panic attack and describe what is actually an anxiety attack. So, here it is: Panic attacks are sudden and render you completely helpless. You can't breathe, you literally have to stop, your body stiffens, you duck your head from the reeling fear of the unknown. It can be triggered by a lot of stupid things like hearing loud voices, when you're in simple conversation, riding in a car that turned the corner or is driving too fast, things like that. Anxiety attack: Oh, no! I locked myself out of my car! But I have to be somewhere important! I don't know what to do! I've stopped thinking! I can't think anymore! It's like that part of my brain has frozen up! *squats, holds head, and cries, blows up, or other odd reaction* I know there are a lot better examples than that, or that if you go through these, you might not have heard of them or experienced them, but there are a lot of different kinds out there and I've either lived it or seen it. Welcome to my daily life of struggle, my friend. Most of the time it's panic attacks when I'm walking, dropping something and expecting a loud sound, or talking to someone. Most of my anxiety attacks are in vehicles because I'm afraid that any moment I'm going to get into another car accident (My body is tense, I tremble, I'm overly alert, I go into a cold sweat, etc.), or when others won't give me enough time to think when I'm replying to them because they think I'm "normal" and can think at the typical speed most people can think when they're talking (P.S. I only cry or blow up occasionally with my constantly-talking, clueless mom, but I just freeze up, panic because I realize I can't recover my train of thought and feel like time is running out before people start to judge me for taking so long when answering, and get hot in the face when I'm with other people). ...Ahhhh, what was I talking about? This has gotten way off-topic, and it is now 2:06 AM. Congrats, Me, for failing to write and be productive. Again. Maybe I should give myself a pat on the back for that? No, I'd rather get a professional massage. I need that. *stretches sore arms* Agh! I'm going to be so stiff in the morning. I should have taken some magnesium at dinner, but I'll just do that after breakfast. Don't worry. I've carried much heavier things. Being a library page has its perks, you know! ;) You get ripped, especially in the arms and shoulders. Seriously, it's a fun job, especially if you like lifting books (a.k.a weights) and organizing (a.k.a. pleasing an Aspergergian obsession of mine. Note: Not all Aspergians are good at or love organizing.). Ah, what am I doing again? Oh yeah. Rambling again. I guess that counts as writing. Procrastinating writing, that is! It's really just a filler, an action or thing that's similar to what you like or wanted to do, so it makes you only feel like you did it when you actually didn't. ....Okay, my eyes are now on protest. They are shutting and sore. I must sleep. *looks at what I just wrote above* Impressive, but I still have to put it into paragraphs. Heck, I'll do to tomorrow. I need sleep now.
Whoops. I haven't written a single word in this book since October 11th? Ouch. But notice how I mentioned "...in THIS book." Yes, I was writing a side project. You see, I remember promises to friends so well, they tend to hurt over a long period of time every time I remember it. So, after about 4 or 5 years, I decided last minute to do NaNoWriMo. Did I win? No. Did I get close to the 50,000 word goal? Unfortunately, family issues sprung up like Dalmation spots everywhere, so I had to fix them since I basically do the father's role for my single mom. It's fine for me, just not fine for my writing. Oh, well. I wasn't expecting myself to reach 50,000, but I tried to see how far I'd get. Like I was racing an imaginary friend to a childhood tree: I did it for the fun more than for risking despair at not making it. I hate negative feelings. I grew up around people like that, and it's not my cup of tea to drown in it, anymore. Best have sweet things. Sweet tea, sweets... ah, what am I saying? Oh, heheheh. I've been craving sweets lately. I blame the holidays. Oh, and what became of my dental problem? Well, I ran out of time to take off work for that (I blame fear + anxiety + frustration over insurances and places that would take me). Plus, I got sick with colds and bronchitis, so there goes my vacation time. That's okay. I was originally nervous about having very few extra hours to use up if I got sick this winter anyway. It's good I did. But, no worries. My wisdom teeth haven't been bothering me since, so here's hoping I'll make it until this summer to do it. But, really. Much has happened since October, so I haven't been lazy. ...Or have I? Depends on one's perspective, but I've literally been too exhausted and fatigued to notice much. Yes, yes. I'm doing fine. My sister had a bunionectomy (A bunion is too much bone growth in a toe knuckle joint, causing stiffness and pain from walking or even just no obvious triggers, so a surgeon just has to shave off the unneeded edge of the joint and sometimes poke a little in the ligaments to create scar tissue that helps increase cushion in between the bones so they don't have to grind so close to each other), so I've been running around like a chicken without a head taking care of her and taking her to numerous foot doctor appointments. Thankfully, she's healing very well and will be getting her stitches out this Friday. Other than that, it's just been shopping and preparing for the holidays, eating, and procrastinating all over social media instead of writing. There. Now, I finally admit to some of it. But it's not easy to decide things! I've been feeling restless and horribly indecisive! Should I keep writing the NaNoWriMo book (which I got to 10,338 words), continue writing this book, or start writing Book 1 of this series? It's really been bugging me. The more time flies by me, the more I feel like I don't have much time left! It's not easy living a life fearing death will take you before you publish! Yeah.... It's my biggest fear. I've been planning out this book series for... 11 years. Good freaks, time flies! It only feels like it's been a couple of months since I said I've been working on it for 10! You see what I mean, now? If you are a human and you have a life, you live more than you write. I swear, it's my curse in life. I've had a crazy life, ever since I can remember. A little girl with big, half-aware, half-disbelieving eyes. Trauma does a lot to a kid, but I suppose some of that is to be blamed on my half-Asperger's Syndrome. Whatever. I don't care anymore. Actually, it's 1:35 AM, and I'm tired. I don't know what I'm saying. But having been writing this for a little more than half an hour, I'd say it's about time to make a choice, here. Go to bed earlier, as my body has been moaning for me to do, or write, as my restlessness has been screaming at me to do? ...I feel more up to going to bed, now. Today was a very busy day shelving books at work. Besides that, I carried a 20-pound container of cat litter up a hill for nearly ten blocks home from the store this evening because we were out and my mom's week is booked. Also because we don't have drivers' licenses. Not that we failed our tests or are horrible drivers or anything, but we both suffer from panic attacks and panic anxiety. (YES, there is a difference! I'm fed up with overhearing people say they had a panic attack and describe what is actually an anxiety attack. So, here it is: Panic attacks are sudden and render you completely helpless. You can't breathe, you literally have to stop, your body stiffens, you duck your head from the reeling fear of the unknown. It can be triggered by a lot of stupid things like hearing loud voices, when you're in simple conversation, riding in a car that turned the corner or is driving too fast, things like that. Anxiety attack: Oh, no! I locked myself out of my car! But I have to be somewhere important! I don't know what to do! I've stopped thinking! I can't think anymore! It's like that part of my brain has frozen up! *squats, holds head, and cries, blows up, or other odd reaction* I know there are a lot better examples than that, or that if you go through these, you might not have heard of them or experienced them, but there are a lot of different kinds out there and I've either lived it or seen it. Welcome to my daily life of struggle, my friend. Most of the time it's panic attacks when I'm walking, dropping something and expecting a loud sound, or talking to someone. Most of my anxiety attacks are in vehicles because I'm afraid that any moment I'm going to get into another car accident (My body is tense, I tremble, I'm overly alert, I go into a cold sweat, etc.), or when others won't give me enough time to think when I'm replying to them because they think I'm "normal" and can think at the typical speed most people can think when they're talking (P.S. I only cry or blow up occasionally with my constantly-talking, clueless mom, but I just freeze up, panic because I realize I can't recover my train of thought and feel like time is running out before people start to judge me for taking so long when answering, and get hot in the face when I'm with other people). ...Ahhhh, what was I talking about? This has gotten way off-topic, and it is now 2:06 AM. Congrats, Me, for failing to write and be productive. Again. Maybe I should give myself a pat on the back for that? No, I'd rather get a professional massage. I need that. *stretches sore arms* Agh! I'm going to be so stiff in the morning. I should have taken some magnesium at dinner, but I'll just do that after breakfast. Don't worry. I've carried much heavier things. Being a library page has its perks, you know! ;) You get ripped, especially in the arms and shoulders. Seriously, it's a fun job, especially if you like lifting books (a.k.a weights) and organizing (a.k.a. pleasing an Aspergergian obsession of mine. Note: Not all Aspergians are good at or love organizing.). Ah, what am I doing again? Oh yeah. Rambling again. I guess that counts as writing. Procrastinating writing, that is! It's really just a filler, an action or thing that's similar to what you like or wanted to do, so it makes you only feel like you did it when you actually didn't. ....Okay, my eyes are now on protest. They are shutting and sore. I must sleep. *looks at what I just wrote above* Impressive, but I still have to put it into paragraphs. Heck, I'll do to tomorrow. I need sleep now.
Saturday, October 3, 2015
October 2015
Some live, some die, some question the existence of both.
There, that's the only splinter of a spoiler I will give you as for what I'm writing right now.
While not intentionally meaning to write out someone's death during the Halloween month, I'm writing this chapter for someone. Which means: I'm not exactly writing grieving scenes from just my imagination: I once lost a third cousin to lung cancer. I know what grieving is like, so it makes it easier to describe how it feels and what you go through. It's not known why she got it: Sometimes cancer happens in places you don't expect, and she was never around smokers or anything that could have caused it.
She was a very caring individual, loving people and animals, and equally being loved by them for her sweet kindness (Her neighborhood police department even sung at her cremation service, a few of them singing in tears.). She wanted to become a veterinarian, but she got cancer before she could go to school for it. She died a month after her 18th birthday.
And I never got to meet her. I only first learned about her a few weeks before she died, but in those few weeks, I felt a deep, unexplained connection to her. I really wanted to meet her, but for some reason, I wasn't allowed to go visit her. She was in a coma at the time, and perhaps it would have been hard for her more immediate family to have lesser-known visitors to show up in the room, but it still would have been nice to go. When I heard about her death, I cried long and hard (My eyes tear up now at the thought of it), and I was a numb leg in the world for a while afterwards, stumbling through life, struggling to move on.
Although the character I've just killed is hardly like her, the person who loved him/her felt robbed of time. They didn't get to spend much time together, and then the character was gone. That feeling alone is the theme of this chapter. This is for you, Alex.
Oct 1
Stopped writing at: 1:52 AM
Words written: 262
Total words so far: 126,096
Day: 88
I'm sick with a cold. Blowing my nose off. I wish it would come clean off, but then it would be very messy.
I know it's very late at night (early in the morning, depending on whether you see the glass half-empty or half-full), but I really wanted to write tonight. It's not easy to write when you get distracted by a storm (much rain, much wind of 25 - 45 mph), "don't feel like it for some reason " and feel restless during the day (I always seem to do this, so I waste hours of my life roaming the internet), and wish your family learned to be less talkative (Sometimes, I jokingly imagine duct tape over their mouths with an "Oh, I see! So this is what quiet is! This isn't too bad, actually!" in their eyes.). Ah, well. At least I get to sleep in tomorrow morning. What's my excuse for not writing since October 1st? Family stuff, again. Running errands, shopping for my mom, my sister having bunion and likely acid reflux problems, taking my sister to the doctor, etc. Okay, and another thing is contemplating over how I'll write the next series of scenes. My mind kind of went blank when I had to deal with family troubles on top of character troubles. After all, it can be overwhelming when you practically have to solve the problems of two families at once. (Okay, for some reason, that sounds like polygamy. Let me make it clear, even though it probably is: All of my characters feel like a whole 'nother family I have to care for. Let's hear it: "Aww!")
Forgive me if my writing is a little weird and compulsive right now. I've had a fever on and off for two days, now. Last night (er, the wee hours of October 10th), it went up to 99.6 F. This evening (October 10th, that is), it was 99.2 F.Hmm. Maybe I'll take my temp, now. If I can manage to breathe from my nose. I hate this old-fashioned thermometer. The digital kind that goes in your ear is my favorite for obvious reasons. Actually, this thermometer is a bit thick. I remember growing up with thin ones that I could easily hold underneath my tongue with my tongue and teeth. Now I have to hold it in place with my hand. *inserts boring elevator music* ...Oh, that's good. It's a perfect 98.6 F. Now, to go to bed. It's 5:01 AM, and my cat is glaring at me (nay, actually, she's having trouble keeping her puffy eyes open. "Sweetie, must you always wait for me to go to bed?" Poor little girl can't sleep unless everyone else is asleep and in bed. Just like me, actually. Sometimes, I don't know whether she tries to be like me or we're just similar. Like using the toilet. I use the toilet, then she uses the litter box. Sometimes, it's the opposite: She steps into the litter box while I'm on my way to the toilet. Personally, I think she's just my alter ego. A mini me, if you will.
Oh, look at the time. I've been yammering on for 8 more min- *interruption by Sweetie climbing into my lap with a loud purr and sniffing/touching my nose as if saying [in a 3 y/o girl's voice], "Jen, you really need to go to bed. Remember: Your nose is sick."
Okay, Sweetie. Let's go to bed. (Speaking of which, this is her favorite thing to hear me say, and yes, this is Sweetie in this video: https://youtu.be/bN7Sr1uxfvw )
I'll fix this later:
126,644 total words so far
4:14 AM stopped at
Oct. 11 date
Day 89
...So, talking about death, I lost a good friend at work in the middle of this October. She died. My life works like that, unfortunately. Like identical chains being linked together in bunches. "Is this topic related to this one? Let's organize them and put them together so they happen around the same time." But, I suppose God lets things happen together because He knows it helps me to understand and go through things better and to move on easier.
It certainly helped having a "weird dream" of being in a rollover car accident a few months before I actually had one. It really, super helped me a lot. After 1 1/2 years, it still does. Although I don't actually believe it 100%, I still feel like "it was just a bad dream", just like how my mom put it when I'd wake up from one when I was young. The comforting reassurance that all these things happen simply because it was its time (And for death, there is no easy time for anyone) is like a mother's arms to go to when you want to cry.
That's why I suddenly stopped writing. Oh, also because a family member of mine was illegally kicked out to live on the streets by his disabled care facility without being given his meds and only being given a tiny amount of money to last a whole week. So, I've been having to take matters into my own hands to get better care for him.
So, yeah. A lot of things happen in this crazy life of mine.
Q: Could it get any crazier than this?
A: Yes. Always. Never say you doubt it for any moment.
Q: What am I doing now for writing?
A: Nanowrimo! I've been wanting to do this for several years after being urged by a friend. If you're on it, you can add me as a Writing Buddy if you want. My name is on the nanowrimo website is SlugDiaper. :)
There, that's the only splinter of a spoiler I will give you as for what I'm writing right now.
While not intentionally meaning to write out someone's death during the Halloween month, I'm writing this chapter for someone. Which means: I'm not exactly writing grieving scenes from just my imagination: I once lost a third cousin to lung cancer. I know what grieving is like, so it makes it easier to describe how it feels and what you go through. It's not known why she got it: Sometimes cancer happens in places you don't expect, and she was never around smokers or anything that could have caused it.
She was a very caring individual, loving people and animals, and equally being loved by them for her sweet kindness (Her neighborhood police department even sung at her cremation service, a few of them singing in tears.). She wanted to become a veterinarian, but she got cancer before she could go to school for it. She died a month after her 18th birthday.
And I never got to meet her. I only first learned about her a few weeks before she died, but in those few weeks, I felt a deep, unexplained connection to her. I really wanted to meet her, but for some reason, I wasn't allowed to go visit her. She was in a coma at the time, and perhaps it would have been hard for her more immediate family to have lesser-known visitors to show up in the room, but it still would have been nice to go. When I heard about her death, I cried long and hard (My eyes tear up now at the thought of it), and I was a numb leg in the world for a while afterwards, stumbling through life, struggling to move on.
Although the character I've just killed is hardly like her, the person who loved him/her felt robbed of time. They didn't get to spend much time together, and then the character was gone. That feeling alone is the theme of this chapter. This is for you, Alex.
Oct 1
Stopped writing at: 1:52 AM
Words written: 262
Total words so far: 126,096
Day: 88
I'm sick with a cold. Blowing my nose off. I wish it would come clean off, but then it would be very messy.
I know it's very late at night (early in the morning, depending on whether you see the glass half-empty or half-full), but I really wanted to write tonight. It's not easy to write when you get distracted by a storm (much rain, much wind of 25 - 45 mph), "don't feel like it for some reason " and feel restless during the day (I always seem to do this, so I waste hours of my life roaming the internet), and wish your family learned to be less talkative (Sometimes, I jokingly imagine duct tape over their mouths with an "Oh, I see! So this is what quiet is! This isn't too bad, actually!" in their eyes.). Ah, well. At least I get to sleep in tomorrow morning. What's my excuse for not writing since October 1st? Family stuff, again. Running errands, shopping for my mom, my sister having bunion and likely acid reflux problems, taking my sister to the doctor, etc. Okay, and another thing is contemplating over how I'll write the next series of scenes. My mind kind of went blank when I had to deal with family troubles on top of character troubles. After all, it can be overwhelming when you practically have to solve the problems of two families at once. (Okay, for some reason, that sounds like polygamy. Let me make it clear, even though it probably is: All of my characters feel like a whole 'nother family I have to care for. Let's hear it: "Aww!")
Forgive me if my writing is a little weird and compulsive right now. I've had a fever on and off for two days, now. Last night (er, the wee hours of October 10th), it went up to 99.6 F. This evening (October 10th, that is), it was 99.2 F.Hmm. Maybe I'll take my temp, now. If I can manage to breathe from my nose. I hate this old-fashioned thermometer. The digital kind that goes in your ear is my favorite for obvious reasons. Actually, this thermometer is a bit thick. I remember growing up with thin ones that I could easily hold underneath my tongue with my tongue and teeth. Now I have to hold it in place with my hand. *inserts boring elevator music* ...Oh, that's good. It's a perfect 98.6 F. Now, to go to bed. It's 5:01 AM, and my cat is glaring at me (nay, actually, she's having trouble keeping her puffy eyes open. "Sweetie, must you always wait for me to go to bed?" Poor little girl can't sleep unless everyone else is asleep and in bed. Just like me, actually. Sometimes, I don't know whether she tries to be like me or we're just similar. Like using the toilet. I use the toilet, then she uses the litter box. Sometimes, it's the opposite: She steps into the litter box while I'm on my way to the toilet. Personally, I think she's just my alter ego. A mini me, if you will.
Oh, look at the time. I've been yammering on for 8 more min- *interruption by Sweetie climbing into my lap with a loud purr and sniffing/touching my nose as if saying [in a 3 y/o girl's voice], "Jen, you really need to go to bed. Remember: Your nose is sick."
Okay, Sweetie. Let's go to bed. (Speaking of which, this is her favorite thing to hear me say, and yes, this is Sweetie in this video: https://youtu.be/bN7Sr1uxfvw )
I'll fix this later:
126,644 total words so far
4:14 AM stopped at
Oct. 11 date
Day 89
...So, talking about death, I lost a good friend at work in the middle of this October. She died. My life works like that, unfortunately. Like identical chains being linked together in bunches. "Is this topic related to this one? Let's organize them and put them together so they happen around the same time." But, I suppose God lets things happen together because He knows it helps me to understand and go through things better and to move on easier.
It certainly helped having a "weird dream" of being in a rollover car accident a few months before I actually had one. It really, super helped me a lot. After 1 1/2 years, it still does. Although I don't actually believe it 100%, I still feel like "it was just a bad dream", just like how my mom put it when I'd wake up from one when I was young. The comforting reassurance that all these things happen simply because it was its time (And for death, there is no easy time for anyone) is like a mother's arms to go to when you want to cry.
That's why I suddenly stopped writing. Oh, also because a family member of mine was illegally kicked out to live on the streets by his disabled care facility without being given his meds and only being given a tiny amount of money to last a whole week. So, I've been having to take matters into my own hands to get better care for him.
So, yeah. A lot of things happen in this crazy life of mine.
Q: Could it get any crazier than this?
A: Yes. Always. Never say you doubt it for any moment.
Q: What am I doing now for writing?
A: Nanowrimo! I've been wanting to do this for several years after being urged by a friend. If you're on it, you can add me as a Writing Buddy if you want. My name is on the nanowrimo website is SlugDiaper. :)
Monday, September 21, 2015
September 2015
Yeah, I'm back to writing again. No, I haven't gotten my wisdom teeth extracted, yet.
It's rather hard to make such a thing happen when you finally realize that your insurance forgot to send you your card, have no choice but to call people back and forth, need to find a decent place for the extractions close to home, etc., etc. And since it's now the busy time of year at work again, I'd rather wait until I'm less needed. So far, my teeth haven't bothered me since, and it's my hope they won't again any time soon.
What took so long? To make it short, I was so stressed-out over the whole thing, I wasn't sure at first what my plans were. The rest of it was just rediscovering emotional calmness (a.k.a. meditation and regaining control over my emotions and thoughts so it wouldn't be racing, as I suffer from anxiety), and regaining "the mood" to write again.
Now, without further ado, let the writing come alive again!
Sept 20
Stopped writing at: 3:20 AM
Words written: 42
Total words so far: 120,226
Day: 85
[Sept 20]
Stopped writing at: 11:58 PM
I wrote something sad, shedding some tears. Then something happened, so I was at the edge of my seat. Well, actually, I pulled the computer closer as though I were but reading a book (Not far from the truth!).
I can't stay awake. I really want to write, as I haven't been writing for more than a half an hour tonight, but I had a busy day today on about 4 hrs of sleep. I can't hardly keep my eyes open, anymore. I wrote a word with my eyes closed while slipping into a partial sleep. Even though I was sleep-writing (writer's version of sleepwalking), I amazingly I spelled it correctly and didn't combine it with another word coming up next in the sentence. ...Just half-fell asleep while typing this. Time to go!
Sept 30
Stopped writing at 1:54 AM
Words written: 2,794
Total words so far: 125,834
Day 87
It's been a busy couple of weeks. Running errands, getting ready for my mom's birthday (50!), going out to eat, etc. Now that it's all behind me, I finally get to sit down and write. Let me tell you, every single night I have had inner turmoil not writing.
Unfortunately, it was not easy spilling those words out tonight. I kept getting distracted by my noisy, talkative family. I tried white noise, music, both at the same time, finally told them to quiet down, calmed down, chose to listen to music, and wrote. Wow, I keep dozing off while typing this. Time to sleep, I think!
It's rather hard to make such a thing happen when you finally realize that your insurance forgot to send you your card, have no choice but to call people back and forth, need to find a decent place for the extractions close to home, etc., etc. And since it's now the busy time of year at work again, I'd rather wait until I'm less needed. So far, my teeth haven't bothered me since, and it's my hope they won't again any time soon.
What took so long? To make it short, I was so stressed-out over the whole thing, I wasn't sure at first what my plans were. The rest of it was just rediscovering emotional calmness (a.k.a. meditation and regaining control over my emotions and thoughts so it wouldn't be racing, as I suffer from anxiety), and regaining "the mood" to write again.
Now, without further ado, let the writing come alive again!
Sept 20
Stopped writing at: 3:20 AM
Words written: 42
Total words so far: 120,226
Day: 85
[Sept 20]
Stopped writing at: 11:58 PM
Words written: 2,745
Total words so far: 122,971
[Day: 85]
Total words so far: 122,971
[Day: 85]
I wrote something sad, shedding some tears. Then something happened, so I was at the edge of my seat. Well, actually, I pulled the computer closer as though I were but reading a book (Not far from the truth!).
Sept 21
Stopped writing at 2:00 AM
Words written: 69
Total words so far: 123,040
Day 86
I can't stay awake. I really want to write, as I haven't been writing for more than a half an hour tonight, but I had a busy day today on about 4 hrs of sleep. I can't hardly keep my eyes open, anymore. I wrote a word with my eyes closed while slipping into a partial sleep. Even though I was sleep-writing (writer's version of sleepwalking), I amazingly I spelled it correctly and didn't combine it with another word coming up next in the sentence. ...Just half-fell asleep while typing this. Time to go!
Sept 30
Stopped writing at 1:54 AM
Words written: 2,794
Total words so far: 125,834
Day 87
Unfortunately, it was not easy spilling those words out tonight. I kept getting distracted by my noisy, talkative family. I tried white noise, music, both at the same time, finally told them to quiet down, calmed down, chose to listen to music, and wrote. Wow, I keep dozing off while typing this. Time to sleep, I think!
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