Friday, April 8, 2016

April 2016

 Yes, yes! I know! It's been several days since I last wrote! But things happen in life, especially mine, which tends to be a common occurrence for some dumb reason.
 This time, I had to spend some time organizing the bedroom (an ongoing project), procrastinating writing by exploring the entire internet due to writing anxiety (too many interruptions and distractions at home), and family talking constantly (mostly [mild] autism). I've been getting sleepy anytime around 12 - 2 AM, and one of them tends to go to bed around that time, so it's been impossible to find the opportunity to write.
 I also got the stomach flu recently, which is no fun at all. I'm close to feeling 100%, but the other day I kind of pushed myself too hard (impatient + wanting to do my usual, physical things), so I was back to feeling a bit unwell yesterday morning. Thankfully, I have a whole weekend to rest up and strengthen myself, so I hope to be 100% by Monday.
 I hate not being able to do my usual, physically challenging things. Like carrying a bunch of heavy groceries up a hill for several blocks (I've never been behind the wheel because the drivers around here are dumb and I've already been in 5 car accidents as a passenger, thank you), or running up stairs two steps at a time. Oh well, it's better than many situations.

 Wow, look at the time. It's 1:48 AM and I'm so tired, I want to fall asleep while sitting (Wouldn't that be nice?). I'd better put my log in here and smash my head into a pillow.
 Oh yeah, so I was thinking I might start scheduling my posts so that they are published in the blog during more... "waking" hours. I mean, me being in the U.S. and publishing blog posts during the wee hours of the morning.... Not many who may be interested in this blog would be awake. I may be wasting my time, but I'm going to try it and see if I get more views this way.
 I mean, I don't care who and how many see this blog. I don't even care if nobody is reading this blog. I just use this as a way to keep record of my writing so that I can go back later and be like, "Oh yeah! So that happened and that's why I wasn't writing for so long!" Also, I can later put together my word counts, determine how many words I did each day, then create a cool graph or whatever.
 Just something fun. It makes a good motivator for writing. Because if I feel guilty for not posting regularly to an imagined "audience", I will end up writing to alleviate the guilt for "letting people down". It's a nice trick to keep my fingers tap dancing on the keys, no matter what kind of day or week or month I've had. I used to be bad at writing regularly, but keeping track of statistics on my progress? Now, that's fun.
 See now, if you aren't having enough fun with what you know you love doing, you've just got to make it more fun for yourself or you'll end up not wanting to do it again. Add some spice or more sugar to your cookies. Add garnish to your dish to make it look fancy (Did you know that you can eat the parsley on the side of your plate? It makes a great breath freshener after your meal, and it contains some great nutrients, too. ...Yeah, I'm an herb-lover, as you may tell. Lol.). You get the point.

April 8th 
156,037 words so far
1:29 AM stopped
Random gibberish: jdbcskdjnvsdjcbsiv


April [8th also]
159,688 words so far
8:45-ish PM stopped

 I had to stop unexpectedly because something required and occupied my attention for the rest of the night (Technology + my mom = gkjgjgdyrdh + "What does this do? What does this mean?" = me saving the day, with some difficulty at first. Because, although I'm better at technology than she is, I'm still a little behind the times by a bit.).
 That's okay, though. I got a ton of writing done prior because my mom and sister were out shopping at a couple of stores and enjoying the sunshine. I wasn't feeling up to it, yet, since I was just feeling better after a stomach flu that killed my appetite and weakened me for almost a week. I'm glad that's over! Whew!
 I forgot to post here yesterday because I was preoccupied with a different technology situation: We finally upgraded to a flat screen and a blu-ray player. I didn't buy the totally expensive kind, so they aren't that impressive, nor can you do a whole lot with them. I was surprised by how much you can do with the other ones, but since we won't be doing anything but watching movies with it, I bought the most basic one with decent ratings. We don't watch TV because it just keeps people indoors, brainwashes people with hours of annoying, time-wasting commercials, and it can destroy relationships if introduced to the wrong people (The latter being especially the reason why we don't have it: My autistic sister would throw a fit and go mental if she had to stop watching TV when she had to go to an appointment she didn't feel like going to or even going outside for fresh air. She'd also use it as an excuse to not go anywhere. Even without her living here, we'd still not want to watch TV all that much, which means paying the hefty bill wouldn't be worth it. And no, it's not bad parenting. It's autism. It's like having a toddler in an adult's body for the rest of your life. And trust me, having Asperger's myself makes life hard for socializing. Every day is about fighting myself to be as close to "normal" as possible. Everyday is about fighting anxiety and the lack of self-confidence. Everyday is about being stuck feeling like a stupid child while being expected to think and act like the adult that you look like, and fighting to keep your "I think and do things easily like an adult" mask on with your shoulder while juggling "normal, everyday things".).
...Whoops. Here I am talking about life with autism again. I suppose it's a good thing to keep you educated on it. It's interesting looking at it from the outside, really. I like wondering what "normal" people see and how they would best understand it in words. And it's most often best if it's explained not from a doctor, but with a person who has the condition. "What is it like for you? What is life like living with it? How would you describe it to a person whose brain developed the right way?"

 Honestly, I feel like nobody hardly reads my blog more than glance at it, so I don't care much about what I say and I ramble on anyway as though I were talking to someone who's actually interested in what I have to say and happen to be a good listener. ...Okay, that's kinda sad.
 Anyway, if you do read my blog: Thank you. You're awesome. High-five yourself. Wait, that's clapping. Just high-five your back, then. Yeah, pat yourself on the back. We're in this journey together. And it's an awesome one.