Monday, January 11, 2016

January 2016

1:51 AM
January 9th
126,770 words total
Day 90
I was too tired to say anything here.

1:57 AM
January 11th
Day 91
Yep, looks like I'm officially back to writing again. I admit I got stuck on the last scenes, which weren't quite feeling right. Although I originally stopped writing because I got busy with other projects and family stuff, whenever I did feel like writing, my mind would go back to how I hated the last part for being annoying. Then I'd procrastinate because I didn't know what to do about it. Well, as always, daydreaming helped me over it. 

All I needed was a cat that woke me up this morning (Rather, the morning of January 10th) just before my alarm went off, wanted to go under the covers with me because she was cold, and lying in bed daydreaming for two hours while I waited for her to get warm enough. (P.S. She didn't, so I eventually had to get out of bed before she did because my bladder was otherwise going to explode. AND she didn't get out of bed until I was having breakfast. Funny little girl.) Done! Problem solved! You'd think that all cats are horrible to their writer owners for lying down on their computer, choosing their typing hands as a bed, or otherwise being a nuisance, but Sweetie isn't that at all. She just sleeps in my lap while I'm writing and evidently can keep me in bed until I have an idea that breaks writers' block at the right time. I say "right time" because the holidays are over, and because my sister no longer needs quite so much help after her bunion surgery (Her stitches were removed on Friday! Yay!). 

Something I'm currently doing now: Reading a book and writing a book at the same time. ^_^ Yes! Success, finally! In case you're wondering, the book I'm reading is called New Hope Chronicles: Book One: Dragon Flame by Pat Harris. It's a huge book, but it's amazing so far. I'm on page 141 right now. 

Something I'm thinking about doing: Writing two books at a time. Yeah, so I've lately been mentally pulling out my hair for not having written G1:TLB. Yes, that's the abbreviation of book one. :-) Excited? I hope you are, because I sure am. The last time I tried writing, I forgot my password for the Microsoft Word file! Fortunately, I did print off about five pages worth of writing I did in 2013 (or was it 2012?) before I had to stop writing and do a ton of important things. Was it stupid for not having written down the password? Very. But, at least I have the hard copy. Very soon I'll type that up again and continue where I left off. Besides that, why am I doing this? Well, I used to be able to write two different books at the same time back in 2007, so I want to see if I can try it again. 

Oh my gosh, this is hilarious. I'm literally having to type this with one hand right now because my other hand is holding Sweetie on the chair. She sort of slipped between my legs onto the chair, but she's at the brink of slipping off the chair, too, so I now have to hold my hand against her back so she doesn't spill all over the floor. Her fur is so soft, and she's so little, I swear she could become a great ninja cat and hide in the butt cracks of her enemies and still go unnoticed. ...Oh! Now she's snoring! Hahaha! ...If only I could reach the camera, but it's just two or three inches beyond my reach. ..Ha! I got it! the sacrifice of her slumber, though. I caught a picture of her yawning in the position: 

Sorry for the jumbo legs view, there. Holidays makes people gain weight. But actually I'm pretty muscular (I'm not kidding you. I walk everywhere and am on my feet ALL day!). It's just when the muscles and fat relax together while being squished down flat on the seat of a chair that makes people look way fatter than they really are. Haha, I recall skinny girls in my 6th grade class giggling as they pounded on their thighs and made them jiggle: "Bwoom! Bwoom!" ...Heheh, uh, anyways. You get the picture. Oh, look! A cat yawning while her owner is keeping her from sliding off the chair! Cute! 

Time for bed, kitty. It's 2:51 AM. My head needs recharging, and you need some anti-slip material for that super-soft fur of yours. (Seriously, she's 4 1/2 years old now, and she still feels as soft as when she was a two-month-old kitten!)

1:09 AM
January 13th
Day 92
Seventy-seven words written. I think it's the weather. So many people all around the Seattle area have been getting sick lately, and today - er, January 12th - people have not been of good mood. My emotions can occasionally get rocky due to the weather, but today (Okay, I'm just going to call it "today" because my days usually end in the wee hours of the morning), it was pretty bad. Besides from only getting 5 hours of sleep, I was not feeling 100%. I was disorganized and not thinking clearly all day, kept stumbling over my words, and had a high level of anxiety. I'm fine now, but that's just because I don't have to talk to anyone. My mom and sister are asleep. The dog is asleep. 

Sweetie, my cat? Well, she's waiting for me to go to bed at the moment. She can always tell when I really need to go to bed. At first, she sleeps in my lap. Then, she gets up and sits on her belly (Not lying down, not sitting, not crouching: What else is it called? I can't think at the moment.), facing the direction of the bedroom. She swivels her ears around and occasionally looks back at me to see if I'm getting ready to get off the computer, yet. Now she's on the back of my chair, looking over my shoulder. Now she's on my lap again. *she burps* My, what a loud burp that was! It sounded like: "Kurrp!" That was the most satisfying cat burp I've ever heard. Anywayyy, besides me being obviously immature when I'm running on little sleep, I've now forgotten what I was going to say, next. Oh, well. Time to go to bed, kitty.

2:36 AM
January 15 - 16
Day 93 & 94
Woohoo! Almost 130,000 words! (Nothing significant about that number, really.) But I'm starting to fall asleep, so I think I need to wrap it up for tonight. Tomorrow I have to go bring some stuff to my brother. He's sick with a cold of sorts, so I have to leave around noon. Poor guy. Anyways, good night!

2:26 AM
January 17 - 18
Day 95 & 96
Nothing eventful happening in life lately. Nothing really does, except for personal, family-related problems that occur every now and then. My life is basically working, and later computer time at home. Today, I realized why I feel restless and tend to waste my time on social media: It's writing anxiety. I enjoy peace and quiet with nobody talking while I'm writing. Only problem is, I have a very talkative family with memory problems. Yeah, it sucks, I know. So, if I write during the day, I'm often interrupted with unnecessary questions, constant talking, people getting irritated and disappointed that you were listening to music on headphones while they were talking (How was I supposed to know you were talking to me? Wearing headphones means I'm trying to block out your face noise so I can hear my own thoughts!), and people thinking that yelling silly stuff back-and-forth at each other is funny. Okay, I do it, too. But it's not appropriate when somebody's trying to focus on a writing project, and they ask you several times to keep it down. And yes, I'm buying some sound-blocking earbuds, now. Ahh, but anyway. Story of my life. ...No, you probably don't want to read that story. Then again, if you were entertained by my tiny bit of venting just now, you might end up reading it. ...No, then again, that's not really what the story of my life is all about. It's not like a reality TV show, it's more like a thriller, action movie, and a documentary about a childhood full of all sorts of abuse. Yeah, unpleasant. But that little girl has grown up and survived even a rollover car accident. Okay, so that wasn't checked off my bucket list when I was still a child, but it's certainly the coolest-sounding, right? ...Okay, it was scary. But it was just like an action movie when I had my eyes open the whole time. The top of the car skidding across the road.... Okay, I need to shut up, now. Time for bed.

3:47 AM
January 18 - 19
Day [96] & 97
Oh, shoot! Time raced with me, hid, and is now laughing and mocking at my having lost it! I have to get up early "tomorrow"!

1:01 AM
January 20
Day 98
I've been falling asleep several times. I started writing exactly at midnight. (Interesting coincidence. I wrote the first words I did tonight and looked at the time. 12:00 AM exactly.) Unfortunately, I can't stay awake. I blame myself for getting only 4 hours of sleep last night. But I was just so animated, I couldn't easily stop writing where I was! Well, time to sleep, now. Much to my cat's delight, since I'm her bed. 
Psst! She's sleeping in my lap right now. She was complaining to me earlier to go to "beh" and was going in and out of the bedroom giving me exasperated looks as she did. *I doze off for several seconds* ...Okay, I really need to go to bed, now. This is a sign that I finally need to listen to her. Enough talk.

3:50 AM
January 20 - 21
Day [98] & 99
Agh! Time flies when exciting things happen in your stories! I have to stop now, or I'll just plop over tomorrow. I'm leaving off in the middle of the action, which is unbearable, but I absolutely have to go to bed, now! (P.S. The worst place to leave off writing is when you don't know what's going to happen next. So, leaving off here could be worse.) Oh, my poor kitty-cat. I told her "Let's go to bed", and she wakes up and rests her head on my nearby hand. I know, I'm sorry.

3:18 AM
January 23
Day 100
Woohoo! It's officially been 100 writing days since Day 1! Unfortunately, I'm having difficulty staying awake. I'll write some within that hour mark. ...Wait, 'that hour mark'? Haha, I just dozed off and kept typing, having some dream with dialogue in it. I meant to say: "I'll write some within the time frame of this 100th day." Ugh. I need more sleep. It's been catching up to me lately. And yeah, I only wrote a small handful of words this time because I started writing not long ago after playing a Pokemon game (Red version) on my GBA SP for several hours. 

11:58 PM
January 23
[Day 100]
 Why did I stop writing two minutes before midnight? Well... because, for some reason, a random thought popped into my head that was completely unrelated to what I was writing! Yeah, it's probably from the mere fact that I was multitasking, feeling unusually restless for some reason.
 I was writing, uploading a private YouTube video of my brother doing an impression of Wreck-It Ralph in a too-dark place (thus my making it private and not public, because it is pointless to watch. The only reason why I uploaded it to YouTube was simply because I wanted to hear what he sounded like in different pitches.), and playing Pokemon Red Version on my GBA SP.
 I stopped writing because I was annoyed that it was taking too long for YouTube to edit my video (I changed the lighting, but it still was too dark for the joke to be understood: My brother looks, sounds, and acts just like Wreck-It Ralph.). I just can't write and get distracted by the real world. I write best when I totally zone into the story, like I'm right there watching it unfold. So, if I'm anxiously waiting for a video to get done being edited so I can close YouTube and no longer have to think about it, there's no point in writing. I played the Pokemon game, checking every few minutes to see if it was done. Being that it took so long, that by the time YouTube finished editing it, I had some off-topic thoughts running into my head. I can't remember what the first video was that I watched, but, ultimately, one video led to another. And another.
 Watching videos of natural disasters wasn't really a great idea, either, so I tried watching other videos to get it off my mind. Well, I found something that looked interesting, but it ended up to be unexpectedly creepy. I found myself in the weird corner of YouTube. So, in the end, I ended up watching 3 hours worth of videos with no writing done early in the morning of January 24th! Yay! Hooray for no progress! Oh well, it's just one odd night of restlessness. ...I hope. *gulp*
 And yes, I do need to go to bed sooner than 3 AM. Or 2 AM. ...It's 3:29 AM right now. Good freaks. Monday morning is going to be a killer for waking up at 8:30 AM. Well, good night! ... *whimpers* O__O

2:08 AM 
January 24 & 25
Day 101 & 102
I'm falling asleep again and again and again. I could write all night, defeated only by the need for sleep.

1:32 AM
January 25 & 26
Day [102] & 103
Blah. There. I wrote something here. ...Sorry, but I'm trying to fix my sleeping schedule, and it's not getting much better by the looks of it. More writing here tomorrow! Here, have something funny to look at while you're waiting (an old picture of a lady with Grave's disease combined with a recent picture of me):

1:06 AM
January 26th & 27th
Day [103] & 104
 Interesting. So, it looks like I'm improving by stopping early by the half hour. Approximately 2 AM, 1:30 AM, and 1 AM. Good. So, I'll be able to reach my goal of 12:30 or earlier by tomorrow night (or is that morning? Haha). I have a very busy Thursday coming up, so I'll need extra sleep.
 Other than that, I don't really know what to talk about. Oh, yeah. Weather is always interesting to talk about. While the east coast of the US has been struck by a blizzard, over here in western Washington is getting a bit warm. I only needed a thin jacket today. And the wind was blowing. I love the wind. I have super long hair, so it always feels nice, cold or warm. 
  ...Yes, it started when I was little. I loved Pocahontas and could just feel how she felt with the wind in her hair. But I don't have black hair. Mine's dirty blond. ...Dishwater blond. ...Okay, is there a nice way to describe it? I hate saying both. *looks it up* Okay. This is much better: Dark blond or sandy blond. 
 Anyway, it turns into a golden blond in the summer, especially if I get a huge dose of sunshine. I remember back in 2004, when I was 12, I went to Disney World and Niceville, FL for the whole month of August. I had my picture taken near the end, and it was a fiery orange gold color. I loved it. 
 But you know what's weird? I have always felt like I'm a brunette, even now. Whenever I hear people talking about blonds, I forget I am one. Maybe it's because I look like a brunette in the dark? Or maybe I am that dumb of a blond, because I have Asperger's Syndrome? ...Whatever. Everybody's got problems, even the ones who deny it. (Psst! Therein lies their problem! They deny things about themselves too much! *imagines someone wanting to argue that statement*)
 Whoops. Look at the time. 1:41 AM. Oh well, I did promise you guys with "More writing here tomorrow!" Thanks for reading! :-D (P.S. I probably will not write until Friday night. Wednesday night: Early bed time! Thursday night: Exhausted and sleepy person time!)

1:55 AM
January 29th & 30th
Day 105 & 106
Don't worry, I wrote more than 10 words. I just had to delete a whole paragraph because I wrote it when I was falling asleep a few nights ago. 
Speaking of sleep, Sweetie is sleeping on my hand. She knew it was warm, she was cold, so she hopped into my lap and laid down on top of it so that it would warm her belly. Now she's using it as her pillow..
...*dozes off while writing this* *leg jerks* *wakes up in alarm* ...Okay, I can't be awake any longer. Good night/day!

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Where Have I Been? What Am I doing?

If you can't stand to read anything without paragraphs, wait to read this tomorrow. I'll organize this into paragraphs then. Too sleepy to keep going. I'm falling asleep, here. ~ Me, 2:25 AM, January 6th, Pacific Time, underwear on sleeping mice too big for it, it's going to be hard getting my cat off my lap, but I need sleep now, blah.

Whoops. I haven't written a single word in this book since October 11th? Ouch. But notice how I mentioned " THIS book." Yes, I was writing a side project. You see, I remember promises to friends so well, they tend to hurt over a long period of time every time I remember it. So, after about 4 or 5 years, I decided last minute to do NaNoWriMo. Did I win? No. Did I get close to the 50,000 word goal? Unfortunately, family issues sprung up like Dalmation spots everywhere, so I had to fix them since I basically do the father's role for my single mom. It's fine for me, just not fine for my writing. Oh, well. I wasn't expecting myself to reach 50,000, but I tried to see how far I'd get. Like I was racing an imaginary friend to a childhood tree: I did it for the fun more than for risking despair at not making it. I hate negative feelings. I grew up around people like that, and it's not my cup of tea to drown in it, anymore. Best have sweet things. Sweet tea, sweets... ah, what am I saying? Oh, heheheh. I've been craving sweets lately. I blame the holidays. Oh, and what became of my dental problem? Well, I ran out of time to take off work for that (I blame fear + anxiety + frustration over insurances and places that would take me). Plus, I got sick with colds and bronchitis, so there goes my vacation time. That's okay. I was originally nervous about having very few extra hours to use up if I got sick this winter anyway. It's good I did. But, no worries. My wisdom teeth haven't been bothering me since, so here's hoping I'll make it until this summer to do it. But, really. Much has happened since October, so I haven't been lazy. ...Or have I? Depends on one's perspective, but I've literally been too exhausted and fatigued to notice much. Yes, yes. I'm doing fine. My sister had a bunionectomy (A bunion is too much bone growth in a toe knuckle joint, causing stiffness and pain from walking or even just no obvious triggers, so a surgeon just has to shave off the unneeded edge of the joint and sometimes poke a little in the ligaments to create scar tissue that helps increase cushion in between the bones so they don't have to grind so close to each other), so I've been running around like a chicken without a head taking care of her and taking her to numerous foot doctor appointments. Thankfully, she's healing very well and will be getting her stitches out this Friday. Other than that, it's just been shopping and preparing for the holidays, eating, and procrastinating all over social media instead of writing. There. Now, I finally admit to some of it. But it's not easy to decide things! I've been feeling restless and horribly indecisive! Should I keep writing the NaNoWriMo book (which I got to 10,338 words), continue writing this book, or start writing Book 1 of this series? It's really been bugging me. The more time flies by me, the more I feel like I don't have much time left! It's not easy living a life fearing death will take you before you publish! Yeah.... It's my biggest fear. I've been planning out this book series for... 11 years. Good freaks, time flies! It only feels like it's been a couple of months since I said I've been working on it for 10! You see what I mean, now? If you are a human and you have a life, you live more than you write. I swear, it's my curse in life. I've had a crazy life, ever since I can remember. A little girl with big, half-aware, half-disbelieving eyes. Trauma does a lot to a kid, but I suppose some of that is to be blamed on my half-Asperger's Syndrome. Whatever. I don't care anymore. Actually, it's 1:35 AM, and I'm tired. I don't know what I'm saying. But having been writing this for a little more than half an hour, I'd say it's about time to make a choice, here. Go to bed earlier, as my body has been moaning for me to do, or write, as my restlessness has been screaming at me to do? ...I feel more up to going to bed, now. Today was a very busy day shelving books at work. Besides that, I carried a 20-pound container of cat litter up a hill for nearly ten blocks home from the store this evening because we were out and my mom's week is booked. Also because we don't have drivers' licenses. Not that we failed our tests or are horrible drivers or anything, but we both suffer from panic attacks and panic anxiety. (YES, there is a difference! I'm fed up with overhearing people say they had a panic attack and describe what is actually an anxiety attack. So, here it is: Panic attacks are sudden and render you completely helpless. You can't breathe, you literally have to stop, your body stiffens, you duck your head from the reeling fear of the unknown. It can be triggered by a lot of stupid things like hearing loud voices, when you're in simple conversation, riding in a car that turned the corner or is driving too fast, things like that. Anxiety attack: Oh, no! I locked myself out of my car! But I have to be somewhere important! I don't know what to do! I've stopped thinking! I can't think anymore! It's like that part of my brain has frozen up! *squats, holds head, and cries, blows up, or other odd reaction* I know there are a lot better examples than that, or that if you go through these, you might not have heard of them or experienced them, but there are a lot of different kinds out there and I've either lived it or seen it. Welcome to my daily life of struggle, my friend. Most of the time it's panic attacks when I'm walking, dropping something and expecting a loud sound, or talking to someone. Most of my anxiety attacks are in vehicles because I'm afraid that any moment I'm going to get into another car accident (My body is tense, I tremble, I'm overly alert, I go into a cold sweat, etc.), or when others won't give me enough time to think when I'm replying to them because they think I'm "normal" and can think at the typical speed most people can think when they're talking (P.S. I only cry or blow up occasionally with my constantly-talking, clueless mom, but I just freeze up, panic because I realize I can't recover my train of thought and feel like time is running out before people start to judge me for taking so long when answering, and get hot in the face when I'm with other people). ...Ahhhh, what was I talking about? This has gotten way off-topic, and it is now 2:06 AM. Congrats, Me, for failing to write and be productive. Again. Maybe I should give myself a pat on the back for that? No, I'd rather get a professional massage. I need that. *stretches sore arms* Agh! I'm going to be so stiff in the morning. I should have taken some magnesium at dinner, but I'll just do that after breakfast. Don't worry. I've carried much heavier things. Being a library page has its perks, you know! ;) You get ripped, especially in the arms and shoulders. Seriously, it's a fun job, especially if you like lifting books (a.k.a weights) and organizing (a.k.a. pleasing an Aspergergian obsession of mine. Note: Not all Aspergians are good at or love organizing.). Ah, what am I doing again? Oh yeah. Rambling again. I guess that counts as writing. Procrastinating writing, that is! It's really just a filler, an action or thing that's similar to what you like or wanted to do, so it makes you only feel like you did it when you actually didn't. ....Okay, my eyes are now on protest. They are shutting and sore. I must sleep. *looks at what I just wrote above* Impressive, but I still have to put it into paragraphs. Heck, I'll do to tomorrow. I need sleep now.